This Recording

Benjamin William Harpo Cronin Lambert

by Molly Lambert

My brother is one year and eight months younger than me. When we were little, everyone thought we were twins. I didn’t mind. Now people think he is older, because he’s way taller than me. I still don’t mind. We are redheads with bedhead whose parents are Deadheads. I usually compare us to Lindsay and Sam Weir. He doesn’t like that because he was never as dorky or small as Sam (but I sure was!) As siblings, we’re probably most like Pete & Pete, if older Pete’s genes and Ellen Hickle’s were spliced together.

Ben’s great and hilarious and keeps me in check. He knows everything about music that I don’t know. He remembers our entire childhood, down to the last detail. And he is very, very, very, wise. If I could, I would nominate him to be the Dalai Lama. Instead I will nominate him to be the next Thomas Jefferson. Much like great ginger U.S. statesman Jefferson, Ben is a wicked smart, polymathic, fully enlightened redhead. In honor of his 23rd b-day, here are 23 reasons my brother is awesome.

1. He fights the powers that be.

2. He is a Kilroy for delicious pie.

3. He is a sweet DJ. Subscribe to his podcast please.

4. You might think talented siblings David and Amy Sedaris or Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal have the coolest brother/sister team award on lock, but that’s because maybe you haven’t met us yet. When our powers combine, Ben and I become an unstoppable team called the Gyngerhaals.

5. His Lambo’s West Coast Ish Mix is sloppy and delicious like a plate of BBQ ribs and fresh like some cold lemonade.

6. He’s very polite.

7. Except when he’s swinging from chandeliers.

8. He loves to draw a gold toothed little quintapus.

9. He taught me how to do the Kit-Cat Clock dance.

10. He’s weirder than I am even (maybe).

11. This is his baby picture.

12. He does not fear the jellyfish, he respects them.

13. He is an outsider artiste extraordinaire.

14. He’s a Redhead Without A Cause. Well, actually I guess the cause is a recessive variant of the Mc1r gene.

15. He’s not Michael Rapaport.

16. He never smiles in pictures (expect this one).

17. He is red like a lobster.

18. He hung out with Devin the Dude!!!

19. He is not Andy Samberg as Prince Harry.

20. He is red like a ketchup.

21. He is very smart and doesn’t need glasses.

22. He is icy cool like a penguin.

23. He’s a fantastic brother and friend. Happy birthday dude!

SONGS FOR MY LITTLE BRO’S B-DAY

“Lambo’s West Coast Ish Mix” – Ben Lambo Lambert

“Little Brother (Electric)” – Grizzly Bear

“Life Of The Party” – Little Brother

“Spazz” – N.E.R.D.

PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING:

Nom Nom Nom It Are My Birthday

Alex Celebrated Our Joint Birthday

And We Got Matching Virgo Tattoos

THIS RECORDING IS A FAMILY AFFAIR