BLOGS In Which Tumblrs Are Like Assholes In That Everybody's Got One
Monday, September 15, 2008 at 9:10AM 
The Tumblies: The Tumblr Awards
by Tyler Coates
Tumblr! It's the greatest blogging site of our generation! It's made up of so many different people from different backgrounds and cities, with different opinions! (The majority, of course, are young, urban, liberal white people who love graphic design, Mad Men, and Robert Downey, Jr.)
Tumblr, once heralded as the blogging platform for busy people, quickly turned into the LiveJournal of 2008: it's a blog software pretending to be a social networking site, where you can collect followers and re-blog glory, and everyone is aiming for a spot on the Tumblr Radar. Forget YouTube: with the power of the re-blog, Internet "fame" can happen much quicker, albeit to a smaller audience. On Tumblr, nearly everyone can have their proverbial fifteen minutes of fame (which, on the Internet, amounts to 24 hours at best).
In the olden days of blogging, you had to put forth the effort to link to someone else. Nowadays, with push-button publishing, Tumblr makes it easy to participate in a meme, a feud, a controversy. On any given day the Tumblr Dashboard reads like a message board: people chime in and give their two-cents, responding to whatever "scandal" is on everyone's minds. And that's why we want to reward those special individuals who spend hours upon hours entertaining each other and, more importantly, us.
So if you're someone who checks your Tumblr dashboard several times an hour for any new re-blogs, enjoys a lot of inside jokes about the Tumblelogs you follow, AND loves award shows (think of the following as the Tumblr version of Bravo's A-List Awards, only Kathy Griffin is not around and, sadly, Joel McHale was not available to host the show in front of a green screen), we now present THE TUMBLIES.
THE 2008 TUMBLIES, PRESENTED BY THIS RECORDING
Most likely to refer to herself in the third person: AntiKris
Most likely to start a debate about feminism: (tie) Peter W. Knox and Jessica Gold Haralson
Most likely to overshare: The Ch!cktionary
Most confusing: Young Manhattanite
Most likely to get you fired from your job: mathew loves the internet (generally NSFW)
Most likely to hit on Alex Balk: cvxn
Most crossover appeal: Garfield Minus Garfield
Tumblr Sweetheart: Katiebakes
Biggest flirt: SoupSoup
Best dressed: Sara Zucker
Most likely to succeed: Molly Lambert
Nicest smile: The Doree Chronicles
Best account name: thumbwrestlinginbaltimore
Worst account name: rebloggingrebloggingjulia
Gayest (and campiest) account name: Faggotry
Bitchiest, most bitchin' Tumblr: Frangry
The Tumblr we missed the most: Ryan Adams
The Tumblr we hate to miss the most: Jakob Lodwick
Best Tumblr criticizing an Internet celebrity: Reblogging Julia
Best Tumblr criticizing Internet non-celebrities: Trainwrecks
Worst Tumblr criticizing an Internet celebrity: The Unbearable Balkness of Being
The Tumblr Queen Bee: Julia Allison
Best Supporting Tumblrs: Mary Rambin and Meghan Asha
Best In Drag: Blakeley
Best political Tumblr: Squashed
Biggest conspiracy theorists: Cajun Boy and Karion
Biggest (shortest?) Heartbreaker: Nick Douglas
Best n+1 editor with a Tumblr: Keith Gessen
Best unsolicited advice: Rules for My Unborn Son
Biggest crush (male): Mills (also winning for Biggest Hair)
Biggest crush (female): Molly Young
She reads Domino so you don't have to: Look Mom
She reads Hipster Runoff so you don't have to: Britticisms
Best Tumblr by a fictional person: What Would Don Draper Do?
Best Tumblr inspired by a real person: Stevie Nicks Has Never...
Begging you to un-follow them, but you won't: Young Manhattanite
Begging you to un-follow him, and mission accomplished: Brian Van
Best Avatars:
Best niche Tumblrs: News of the Spam World, One Person Trend Stories, SpamBLR
Best poet with a Tumblr: The Septa Haiku
Best Comic Tumblrs (That Aren't Garfield Minus Garfield): Eat Sleep Draw, Lessons In Loneliness, My Life in a Cube
The Chrissy Hynde Award for Achievement in Music Tumbling goes to Maura Johnston
The Pauline Kael Award for Achievement in Film Tumbling goes to Karina Longworth
And the George Orwell Award for Lifetime Achievement in Blogging goes to Alex Balk:
Tyler Coates is the contributing editor to This Recording. He is in a somewhat abusive love/hate relationship with his Tumblr account
This Recording on Tumblr:
Tumblrs We Can Never Un-Follow
frangry and antikris, just hanging out
what the inside of a tumblr looks like
SONGS FOR EASY TUMBLIN'
"I'll Tumble 4 Ya" - Culture Club (mp3)
"Where Is My Mind" - Nada Surf (mp3)
"Jack Killed Mom" - Jenny Lewis (mp3)
"Love Lockdown" - Kanye West (mp3)
Get this rappr a Tumblr!
PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING
David Karp: Foundr of the Tumblrverse
Reader Comments (28)
can i nominate myself for most un-read tumblr? i only have 26 followrs. boohoo.
no mention for pocketnovel? This . . . impresses me.
Biggest Dick: David Karp.*
*Literally. We hear.
I follow approximately 170 people, almost none of whom are mentioned in this post (except the TR people). I think there's an "alt Tumblr" and "mainstream Tumblr." Mainstream Tumblr is the scary world where Petey W Knox and Jessica Gold Harry are actually paid attention to!
You can set up the Mercury Prize for Tumblr which can go to Tumblrs no one has heard of.
where's topherchris?
who did jessica gold harry blow to get on this list? or did she just threaten to eat you?
Fair enough, My Mercury Prize will go toe to toe with your Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards/Time Magazine Year End List :D
no topherchris?
Am I diluting the YM brand?
no scout?
For the record, I will probably hit on Krucoff, too. (Or maybe it's the other way around. I forget.)
maybe next year. but first i suppose i will have to start following more tumblrs than "what the fuck do i need to know".
I'll make it one of these days!
Tumbledore, you follow me! I think of a lot of these people as the NYC tumblrs who are always getting into fights. Thank you, Tyler. I'll never un-follow you either, Seriously, we're in this for life.
If I could give an award, it would be this one:
Most likely to tumble via mobile with her free hand while in bed with you: Pocketnovel
I personally think everyone should be reading The Hipster Runoffs, but I guess I'm a little more invested in the site than your average Tumblr.
what's tumblr?
*hitch kick* *hitch kick* *somersault* *jazz hands*
(My way of saying thanks)
this recording is my waybackthen tumbler machine
I would have loved to get a nom for best gravatar but my alt was steampunked.
I would like to contest the 'biggest hair' award. I keep Aquanet in bidness.
Who do you have to fuck/kill/bakecookiesfor to get on Tumblr's front page? Bunch o' self gratifying nepotists you are.
http://snuh.tumblr.com
we love you
Hey, thanks for including mine in the "Tumblrs we can never un-follow" list! Truly, truly honored. And kind of a schmuck for only seeing this THREE WEEKS LATER.