FASHION In Which Why You Wanna Go And Do That Love Huh
Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 7:29PM 
Your Body Is A Wonderland
by Molly Lambert
I hate tattoos. I know this is not a particularly popular stance, it reminds people of being pro-life. "Keep your opinions off my body!" they say. And I say "Why not just keep your favorite quotes and song lyrics off of them too?" Some people have tattoos. Other people do not. Who am I to say which is better?
It is possible that I am just prudish about body modification in general. I have never been pierced, even in the ears. I do not disapprove of earrings or body jewelry, I just know that if I had any extra holes in my face I would neglect them out of laziness and let them get infected.
Some people look great with a nose ring, but they are usually people who are already beautiful to begin with. The nose ring serves to point out "look, I can put shit on my face and it just underscores that I would look perfect without it." Like when pretty girls wear ugly clothes and they seem even prettier.
For a while I thought about getting a piercing, mostly out of boredom with looking at my face. I think this is why people get body modifications, because they are bored of seeing their same selves all the time. But a new person would not be bored of your body. They would not find its lack of marks dull.
I could not pick one shirt to wear everyday, or one piece of jewelry. I could never pick a quote or a picture to put on my body permanently. I'd get sick of it, probably right away. I would want to scrub it off in the shower as if it were regular pen ink.
When I was in high school I drew on myself constantly. My mom gave me a hard time about it. "You're going to get ink poisoning" she'd say, but of course I never did. I drew mandalas on my hands and scenes on my calves. Anything I could do during class to avoid paying attention.
My standard line about tattoos these days is "your body is not a MySpace." But I know that I am wrong, and that it is. Your body is yours to do whatever you see fit to do with it. Perhaps my distaste for tattoos is because they remind me of the Nazis branding Jews as cattle in the Holocaust.
And yet there's something fascist about my desire for an unmarked body. Like Michael Chabon's essay about superhero costumes, I feel as if a lack of tattoos makes a figure its own ideal costume. Like the perfected unmarked human forms in Triumph Of The Will.
Or maybe it is just the humorlessness of most tattoos that offends me. Kurt Vonnegut quotes are popular, and yet I think he'd disapprove of being propagandized as such. Even joke tattoos are serious in their permanence. I know that is the point, I just can't stomach it myself.
Some people have beautiful tattoos. I have seen sleeves and back pieces that are absolutely gorgeous. But I have also seen grim reapers and Tasmanian Devils and eight balls that were nothing besides tacky, and to get tattooed seems to me to be putting yourself in a club with them somehow.
I do not aim to stop tattoos, or even really to make you reconsider them. If you have some and love them, that is great. If you are thinking about it and remain unsure, it's still really up to you. I'm just warning you that when you show it to me I will flinch, because you were already so lovely before.
Molly Lambert is the managing editor of This Recording.
"Elegie" - Patti Smith (mp3)
"Sisters of the Moon" - Fleetwood Mac (mp3)
"Storms" - Fleetwood Mac (mp3)
Herman Melville tat is pretty good
PREVIOUSLY ON THIS RECORDING
The Best Superhero Comic Books
Of Course There Are Always Exceptions To Rules
Reader Comments (54)
that butt tat is especially gross. i'm with you on this lambs. i've only seen one tattoo in my life that I liked: this guy had a scene from Moby Dick in line-drawing/etching style on his shoulder. the antique quality of it made it so beautiful and natural looking. i think there is some inherent connection between tattoos and the sea.
OMG that bible tramp stamp is the greatest thing ever!
Nice article. Glad to see that someone finally agrees with me on this!
what if you got a tat of this blog post??!?!?
META!!!!
I definitely like sailor tattoos the best. Queequeg is one of my favorite characters in fiction, and also a name I would maybe give to a kitten. I also have no problem with tribal tattoos when they are a tradition of someone's actual tribe. Māori tattoos look awesome on actual Polynesians, and tremendously stupid on white people.
we should definitely all get tramp stamps of our URL
I've always been anti-tatts ... until recently.
But the only thing i really want is something that is totally lame and gross (a really patriotic southern cross tattoo) vomit. So i don't think i'll ever it.
I like tattoos on boys that have a cultural significance. Say, a nice Samoan sleeve on an actual Samoan or something like that. There's nothing more offputting and unsexy than a tacky, ramdom-assed tatt.
yeah I already have a this recording tat. it's on my blogging finger.
I seriously did not know this many people ALSO felt apologetic about hating tattoos. Love that stance. "I'm sorry I hate x." Similar feelings here about Jenna Fischer.
I need a time machine.
BTW I'm gonna wager I'm the only Tumblr who knows the song your title is referencing.
I'm sorry I hate Tumblrs.
I just got a tattoo. A real one.
But now that you wrote this I'm never showing it to you.
I always excuse my lack of ink with an excuse about the way tattoos and body hair conflict, but underneath it is basically this same sentiment. Also, thanks for the link ot the Michael Chabon thing-- Michael Chabon + comic books = happy mook.
this is the best post...ever.
i once told diane sawyer i had a tatoo of matisse's dancing nudes wrapped around my pengo. she giggled.
I once saw a bald man with two eyes tattooed on the back of his head. I hate tattoos, they look low/no class.
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How did I not make it onto that blogroll? Signed, a tatoo free reader.
Amusingly, the T.S. Eliot quote was the epigraph to my "deep personal thoughts" journal (not to be confused with the "this shit happened to me today" journal) in tenth grade. The idea of having those two lines permanently on my body twelve years later gives me hives. I've got a tattoo, but it's not a quote, and for this I am glad.
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I couldn't disagree more. I'm no more tired of the tattoos I have than I am of my scars and freckles. They are a part of me now.
Getting tattooed was like hanging pictures in a new apartment. Now I feel like I am home. And just because some people hang stupid posters I don't like in their homes, doesn't mean no one should own art.
Hello! I just linked over to this post from...somewhere, not sure where. Anyway! The point of this comment is to notify you that the 1st Corinthians lower back tattoo (seriously, WHAT?!) has a typo. That poor person now has 'it's' tattooed instead of 'its' for all to see, forever and ever. I mean, is it bad that I'm more concerned about that than the fact that some random got a bible verse tramp stamp?
Well it took me a few yrs to think about something that ment alot to me. I finally got one on my shoulder (that can be covered if needed) a Symbol for def. looking back on it now its tastefull and i would not change it.
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