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Sunday
Aug162009

« In Which Weeks Pass As We Carve Your Epitaph »

The Week in Review

We all have an image of ourselves that we keep in our mind. Usually I look like Tom Brady; sometimes I look like Jeff Garlin, but usually when I'm drinking I feel a lot like Christy Turlington. After a tough week you want to kick back and be someone else for awhile. Eventually virtuals will allow us to experience things we never could before. I've been looking to find out what it feels like to be 30 IQ points lower and hitting my head on the pavement didn't seem like the best option. Soon I will become Christy Turlington, sooner probably than you think.

Until then, enjoy being these people, and consider adopting their opinions as your own.

I wonder what Christy's doing now. Not like in her life, more what she's doing right now at this moment. Sometimes when I'm peeping into Tom Brady's inner life I realize that it's not that different from mine, which scares me to my core. We both wanted to knock up Bridget Moynahan; only one of us got the job done.

Christy to me is the perfect model because she's not so attractive that I couldn't imagine settling down and watching three or four episodes of How I Met Your Mother with her. By the way, I heard they cast Kat Dennings as those kids' mom. Sorry kids.

Christy also aged very well, which can't be said of the vast majority of her peers. Have you seen Cindy Crawford lately?

Yeah, Cindy doesn't look so great, but she had a terrific run. Remember when she let one of the Baldwins get all over her in some TV movie? That was the most erotic 90 seconds of my life at the time.

You can find the last Week in Review here.

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"My Boys" - Taken By Trees (mp3)

"Anna" - Taken by Trees ft. Panda Bear (mp3)

"Tidens Gang" - Taken By Trees (mp3)

"Greyest Love of All" - Taken by Trees (mp3)

References (6)

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Reader Comments (3)

Auld school! But srsly. I think Cindy Crawford looks good enough (importunate photo-assassinations notwithstanding) to make considering her actual qualities as a human a painless duty; if only the same were true of we of the shovel-footed, hairy-backed and ball-dangling variety. Men are ugly (we compensate by killing shit). Even handsome men merely look like grotesque women, but I've come to accept this about us.

For the filmic version of this comment go:

fake real fake

August 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSteven Augustine

Some day, you will put up some Emerson Lake & Palmer mp3s. :D

Confusion...will be my epitaph
As I cross a cracked and broken path
If we make it, we can all sit back and laugh.

August 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHugh

ELP (From the Beginning, Lucky Man), early King Crimson (Ladies of the Road), Jethro Tull (Living in the Past, One White Duck, Skating Away)... I'm all about these sonic-lava-lamp supergroups of the last great decade of Secular Humanism in the West. Actually, Ladies of the Road (about a sub-hygienic groupie demanding oral sex) doesn't really fit with the others...

August 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSteven Augustine

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