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Tuesday
Jan192010

« In Which We Post Another List Guaranteed To Generate Controversy »

Disney's Top 10 Sexiest Women

by DAN SAMILJAN

Response to the top sexiest Disney men list by Almie Rose. Not most sexist, sexiest.

10. Tinkerbell from Peter Pan:  Let's face it: Tink is the ultimate Manic Pixie Dream Girl.  She's adorable.  She can fly.  She's small enough to fit in your pocket.  And you can even use her as a flashlight instead of downloading that stupid Flashlight app on your iPhone.

9. Princess Tiana from The Princess and The Frog:  My buddy Joe and I saw this opening night together and we both loved it.  No homo.

8. Bo-Peep from Toy Story:  If I were a toy, I’d be Donatello the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and I’d eat pizza, fight Shredder, and date Bo-Peep (hell, and her sheep -- I don’t give a fuck). Watch your back, Woody.  I carry a bo staff.

 

7. Belle from Beauty and The Beast.  She’s obviously down with hairy guys.

6. Giselle from Enchanted: Hey, is anyone going to see Leap Year

5. Vanessa (a.k.a. "Hot Ursula" a.k.a. "Evil Ariel") from The Little Mermaid:  I think I’ll stick with the evil girls, thank you very much.

4. Lady from Lady and The Tramp:  Oh c’mon, I’m not saying I’d actually have sex with her! She’s not even a real dog!

3. EVE from WALL-E: EVE is an anagram for Extraterrestrial Vegetation Evaluator.  She can evaluate my vegetation anytime!  In that previous sentence, “evaluate” was a metaphor for “play with” and “my vegetation” would be “my penis.”  Wow, I am talking about an animated robot that looks like an iPod.  

 

2. The French Maid Feather Duster from Beauty and the Beast: And I quote: “If you're a fan of the femme fatale feather duster, join the rest of her fans on the list...”  I’m serious, check it out.  THANK YOU INTERNET.

1. Maid Marian from Robin Hood: What a fox! But seriously, is it weird that my #1 choice is an anthropomorphic fox?  Is it weird that she would probably make my list even if it wasn’t strictly Disney characters? Do me a favor, watch this and tell me you don’t agree with me.

Dan Samiljan is a contributor to This Recording. He is a writer living in Los Angeles. He is an expert on sexiness.

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"Orion" - These New Puritans (mp3)

"Hologram" - These New Puritans (mp3)

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Reader Comments (5)

God, yes, Maid Marian. She was my first love at age four and every girl I've ever fallen for has in some way been a manifestation of that archetype, either physically or ideologically.

Someday, my perfect fox-faced, red-haired, scamp-loving goddess will come.

January 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJack Altman

#2 and #3 are genius!

January 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlmie Rose

Babette is sexy but you only see her as a woman for 2 seconds. A more honest (but less clever list) would have to go (feel free to play with the order).
1. Princess Jasmine (Everything about her is hot)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6MpuYiIKlU&feature=related
2. Ariel (twisting her hair while she is sitting on the rock when Eric is trying to calm his dog)
http://s88.photobucket.com/albums/k170/andrewbattye375/?action=view&current=Arielontherock.jpg&newest=1
3. Belle (the voice, the loose lock of hair which keeps falling over her brow)
4. Pocahontas (the long legs, high butt and flowing silky hair)
5. Snow White (the hair black as ebony and the skin white as snow, perfection)
6. Megara (she's got sass)
7. Aurora
8. Cinderella (especially when she's dressed in rags, the peasant look is hot)
9. Maid Marian (Yeah, she was pretty great, good choice there)
10. Babette (she would be higher, but like i said earlier, you only see her for a couple of seconds)
Most of these would be on everyones list, but that isn't a reason not to have them.

January 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterandy
Anyone who says "No homo", is a homo. So yeah, you're a homo. =)
January 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterYoubighomo

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