Disney's Top 10 Sexiest Women
by DAN SAMILJAN
10. Tinkerbell from Peter Pan: Let's face it: Tink is the ultimate Manic Pixie Dream Girl. She's adorable. She can fly. She's small enough to fit in your pocket. And you can even use her as a flashlight instead of downloading that stupid Flashlight app on your iPhone.
9. Princess Tiana from The Princess and The Frog: My buddy Joe and I saw this opening night together and we both loved it. No homo.
8. Bo-Peep from Toy Story: If I were a toy, I’d be Donatello the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and I’d eat pizza, fight Shredder, and date Bo-Peep (hell, and her sheep -- I don’t give a fuck). Watch your back, Woody. I carry a bo staff.
7. Belle from Beauty and The Beast. She’s obviously down with hairy guys.
6. Giselle from Enchanted: Hey, is anyone going to see Leap Year?
5. Vanessa (a.k.a. "Hot Ursula" a.k.a. "Evil Ariel") from The Little Mermaid: I think I’ll stick with the evil girls, thank you very much.
3. EVE from WALL-E: EVE is an anagram for Extraterrestrial Vegetation Evaluator. She can evaluate my vegetation anytime! In that previous sentence, “evaluate” was a metaphor for “play with” and “my vegetation” would be “my penis.” Wow, I am talking about an animated robot that looks like an iPod.
2. The French Maid Feather Duster from Beauty and the Beast: And I quote: “If you're a fan of the femme fatale feather duster, join the rest of her fans on the list...” I’m serious, check it out. THANK YOU INTERNET.
1. Maid Marian from Robin Hood: What a fox! But seriously, is it weird that my #1 choice is an anthropomorphic fox? Is it weird that she would probably make my list even if it wasn’t strictly Disney characters? Do me a favor, watch this and tell me you don’t agree with me.
Dan Samiljan is a contributor to This Recording. He is a writer living in Los Angeles. He is an expert on sexiness.
"Orion" - These New Puritans (mp3)
"Hologram" - These New Puritans (mp3)
"Fire-Power" - These New Puritans (mp3)