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Pretty used to being with Gwyneth

Regrets that her mother did not smoke

Frank in all directions

Jean Cocteau and Jean Marais

Simply cannot go back to them

Roll your eyes at Samuel Beckett

John Gregory Dunne and Joan Didion

Metaphors with eyes

Life of Mary MacLane

Circle what it is you want

Not really talking about women, just Diane

Felicity's disguise

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« In Which He Is Now The John Lennon of Domain Names »

The Man Who Could Not Usually Be Silenced



Season Six

I heard last week's episode was focused on Kate. I was on Fox News during the original airing. I drunk gchatted some peeps later that night after a case of Buffalo Trace and a prostitute named Susquehanna. The only one up at 4 am is Charles Krauthammer, and after busting his chops for being in a wheelchair like Locke and Magic Johnson for a week in the late 1990s, I asked him if Kate ran from her problems for the entire episode. He typed "lol" and then excused himself to empty his bedpan.

Charles Krauthammer jokes aren't how I made my reputation - Lost recaps with read-between-the-lines political coverage are. Let's face it - I could write a more coherent argument than Glenn Greenwald just by using the frontal lobe of my brain.

I guess I'm just caught up in the critics of my evil deeds, like New Locke, a.k.a. the Man in the Black. The writers of Lost asked themselves, "Would it be cool if we created a NEW major antagonist of the series in the final season of its existence?" They answered yes, and recast Locke as the villain in the saint's body. At least the Borg had a shiny-looking cube.

It's difficult to enjoy the inspiring story of Locke getting fired for cause when I have nightmarish flashbacks to Sawyer showing Kate the gay wedding ring he bought for Juliet in last week's episode. This week, Sawyer pretended that never happened, while still cracking wise by drinking himself to death in his underwear.

In the meantime, New Locke found a boy in the woods who looks like young Jacob. Revolutions have been started from less, I think this is basically how the careers of Charles Manson and Bob Dole began. Everywhere I go people ask me how I got my start in politics. "I was in the jungle," I tell them. "I ran out of food and water. I saw Satan, and sold him my soul. Now I've come to take yours." And I then bring out these creepy fake teeth that I have to replace the lack of my not having real teeth anymore and scream like Chunk in The Goonies.

I really don't understand what happened to Lost. You have these iconic characters, and yet all you can find to do with them is go to some weird cave on the side of the island and look at "candidates" for the island's savior. That may be how the Democratic Party chooses gubernatorial candidates, but it's a far cry from a political process.

Lost is trying to move back towards the simple pleasures of its first season. Although this current one has suddenly vaunted itself into the competition of suck, the first season was actually incredibly slow and deliberate about what it hoped to accomplish. The larger vision of the island that was developed in the ensuing seasons is totally obliterated by the character-based stories the show wants to return to.

Now that we've found out Hurley is Rose's boss, I have come up with some other ways the cast can be suprisingly connected with each other in parallel Los Angeles:

- Claire makes a young mother faux pas and asks Walt to babysit for Aaron

- Sun gives Charlie a massage complete with happy ending

- Boone appears in a not-very-well-received adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis' The Rules of Attraction

how was there no 'bueller' joke associated with this flashforward?- Kate sells her revolutionary book concept, Eat Pray Run

- Shannon explains the concept of thetans to Sayid before he joins Scientology

- Juliet commits the classic screwup by transferring Miles' domain name to a big corporation without notifying him and then lying about it

Seeing John Locke teach his fiancee about how there are no miracles recalled the brilliant lessons of George Bluth. Every time Katey Segal's face gets in my face, I can't get what she did to John Ritter out of my mind. Who knew that Married with Children would spawn three successful careers, one major eating disorder, and one complete failure? Speaking of weird casting, putting regulars from Lost on every other failure of an ABC show is wrong in so many ways. If they try to recast Michael Emerson as one of the guys with the girl in the pizza place, I'm going to have to commit an unrelated murder on whoever thinks Better Off Ted is funny.

harold and richard, get off this show and head to white castle guysThe only show I can really watch and enjoy besides Lost is of course Archer, where H. Jon Benjamin is doing a virtual clinic in how awesome he is at voice acting.

So far Aisha Tyler and Jessica Walter are underwritten and annoying, but it's comforting to find a show that's honest about its objectification of women instead of just putting Evangeline Lilly in a wife-beater for the better part of five seasons.

"wait a second - does the doc have a higher number because he's kewter than me?"The parallel universe Los Angeles is likely to ensure what we should already know by now - even in this wonky version of the future, the names written on the wall of the Man-in-Black's masturbation cave were headed for the island even if Oceanic Flight 815 never crashed at all.

You're probably wondering why I've been in the news lately. It's partly because I saw Sarah Palin reading off her hand and wanted to make the save, and partly because if k.d. lang is confident enough to look like that in public, so am I.

A young tumblr's story has recently inspired me to speak out. The man who created pitchfork.tumblr.com had it stolen away from him. Tumbledore's fight to become the Yoko Ono of domain names has already embarrassed one really insecure tumblr "director of outreach." Her outreach is about as effective as Ari Fleischer was at hiding my more profanity-laced e-mails, and her memoirs about this incident on a rival website leave something to be desired. A lot of hurt feelings hopefully won't mar the fact that my favorite blog in the world is located on tumblr, and also my second favorite. Never hire an oversharer to do what an undersharer can do just as well.

you hurt the feelings of a beautiful young tumblr in the prime of his tumbling. all he wanted was to post pics and songs for uWe now all tenderly await meaghano's memoir about her customer experience with tumbledore, replete with a raunchy sex scene where she dry humps a printed out e-mail. With a little luck this can turn into something Don King can really get behind.  Hopefully I will read about meaghano and tumbledore's 2012 nuptials in an elaborate NYT wedding profile where instead of them posing together, their websites pose for a series of photos. The initial enmity between the two melted over a series of e-mails and meet-ups at Pinkberry. The two quickly found they shared a grudging respect for Choire Sicha, and neither knew how to pronounce his first name.

tumbledore claims nothing! it is you who have to answer for your sins!!!Young tumbledore demonstrates a devil-may-care attitude that Sawyer would do well to follow. At the very least he won't have to do awkward rope ladder stunts with a former paraplegic and he can focus on having heart-to-hearts with Richard about how new Locke wants to kill his friends. The island's jungle has turned into more of a sausagefest than Gawker.

Dick Cheney is the senior contributor to This Recording. He is a writer living in an undisclosed location. He is marketing a line of "Free Tumbledore" tee-shirts that you will be excited to hear about in the coming daze. You can read his review of the Lost premiere here.

"Killing the Ghost" - Matthew Ryan (mp3)

"Jane I Still Feel The Same" - Matthew Ryan (mp3)

"They Were Wrong" - Matthew Ryan (mp3)

Ryan's incredible new album, Dear Lover, comes out this week.

References (2)

References allow you to track sources for this article, as well as articles that were written in response to this article.
  • Response
    NFL is truly a single of the biggest sports in America. It has a key following.
  • Response
    Response: 援交
    1136 其中,勸返較具有中國特色,也更加 威而鋼作用 高效,可以避免在引渡、遣返等過程中的一些麻煩。然而 威而鋼作用,邁克爾.程已經公開否認自己在中國有犯罪活動,看來勸返這條路比較難走那么,引渡和遣返又會如何 援交 呢?這其實取決于外逃者在被請求國的身份以及請求國與被請求國間有沒有引渡條約。 昨天是因為坐不了幾站還要轉車 援交,所以上車,前半部有座就坐了。坐下之后就低頭查轉車的信息了,過了沒兩站 台中外送茶,上車的人多了,就聽有個阿姨說過來坐吧 台中援交,這邊還有一個座,然后就聽一個中年男聲在我旁邊喊 台中外送茶 了

Reader Comments (4)

a man 4 our times, a time 4 our mans

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

i dont care about lost, the rest was beautiful

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersarah

i agree with sarah

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterchrs

this is rly the best

February 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

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