by MOLLY MCALEER
Plz Advise is an advice column. You can e-mail me questions about almost anything, but don’t like, take out a loan against your 401k or murder anyone based on anything I say. I'm not a doctor, duh. E-mail your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, and please limit them to 150 words and under. Read last week's edition here.
I have decided to move to California from Illinois. I'm 23, I'm not crazy stupid, and I know it's the right decision at this time. However, I'm scared shitless to tell my parents in fear they will disown me on the spot. I live with them still (real cool) and have only lived on my own when I was in college and then for four months in London (UK, not Kentucky). How should I tell them and present my case while avoiding their parental rage and concern?
If you were 17, uneducated and had no idea of why you wanted to live in Los Angeles, I’d understand your fear of your family freaking out upon hearing the news that you want to move halfway across the country, but girl! You’re 23! That’s exactly the right age to be thinking about how you want to live your adult life, and most parents are big fans of personal responsibility.
If you have a particularly close relationship with your parents or they’re closed-minded about anything outside of your home state, try to sell them on your dreams by demonstrating that you have a plan. Start working on west coast connections via social networks and alumni groups now, look into different neighborhoods and get an idea of what you’d be able to afford. You should definitely visit the city before you move, so if it’s at all possible, ask your parents to tag along so they can see where their precious baby’s gonna find her way.
And if they really go mental/threaten to cut communication/kick you out of their home? Fuck ‘em. They’ll probably get over it eventually. You’re going to be responsible for yourself long after they’re gone (like, forever) and you’re going to have to live with whatever life you make for yourself. Whatever that life is should be based on your terms.
I have a problem. The guy I have been seeing is going away for the summer. We aren't in an exclusive relationship or anything so it wouldn't be a problem... if I hadn't fallen in love with him. I have never done this "casual" thing because I am too neurotic but he is worth the attacks of neurosis. There is depth to this relationship whatever it is. Now, I know what love feels like. And I know that when it's new (like it is now) it can never be certain. But I just feel like I should say something before he leaves in a month and a half. If not "I love you" then at least SOMETHING. What do you think?
I’m like this too, girl. I am. I’m not great at not emotionally vomiting on a bro after we’ve had some sort of romantic encounter, especially if I can sense he doesn’t want to hear it.
Playing it cool is the hardest thing to do, but dudes are mad textbook and fall for the dumbest mind trickery imaginable. The day before he leaves just be like, “I had a lot of fun with you. Call me when you’re back in town,” and then just PEACE OUT. Do not call, do not text, do not even look back when you’re walking out that door.
Go enjoy your summer before you start in with the,“I love you and I just needed you to know that before you pork chicks on other continents and make me feel badly about myself,” stuff. Maybe you’ll be the one who gets a shiny object waved in front of your face and by the time he comes back, you’ll be like “Fuck buddy, who? I don’t think I have this number saved in my phone.”
And for the record, I feel you, girl. I feel you. Emotionally unavailable men can be so sexy. ☹
Molly McAleer is the senior contributor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Los Angeles. She twitters here. You can find her website here. You can find last Wednesday's Plz Advise here. E-mail your questions to email@example.com.
Photographs by Jennifer Nies.
Experience the Short But Vital History of Plz Advise
Plz Advise #1: Guidelines for Twitter Romance
Plz Advise #2: Everytime You Go Away
Plz Advise #3: How to Make Friends And Influence Bloggers
Plz Advise #4: More Of A Bro Than You Thought
Plz Advise #5: Martini Time
Plz Advise #6: A General Lack of Self-Awareness
Plz Advise #7: Dump Your Boyfriends
Plz Advise #8: Advice To Keep Close At Hand
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