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Classic Recordings
Robert Altman Week

Thursday
May262011

« In Which Molls Is Now Regarded As Your Closest Advizer »

Plz Advise

by MOLLY MCALEER

Plz Advise is an advice column about almost anything, but don't like, take out a loan against your 401k or murder anyone based on anything I say. I'm not a doctor, duh.

Molls,

I've recently been fired from coaching a high school basketball team; a job that I completely adored. I coached with one of my closest friends who I had previously coached other teams with. After our first season coaching high school, she fired me completely out of the blue. I don't have a problem with being fired but rather with the way she fired me; in my own home, with no clear reason why I was being fired (she did say she wanted to “spread her wings,” but she’s an art major so like, why spread them into coaching?), and the day before we were getting back to work after a 2 week break. This was about a month ago. I feel so hurt and disrespected, like our friendship meant nothing to her. We’ve been friends for 6 years and as much as I want to get over how the firing went down, I can’t. Am I reacting normally, or do I need to get over myself?

Kiesha

Acknowledge that this chick is mad rude and accept it. Gross, evil, insecure people exist and you should be glad you're not one of them. Then go to your previous team's rival, volunteer to coach and wipe the floor with her ass.

Go team.

Molls,

I want to move to L.A. but I'm freaked out. I have a support system in the Valley (Family) and friends in Venice. If I move I won't leave the Westside often if possible. I'm in Sales and Marketing, not entertainment. Still a little nervous I’ll be poor/ wont meet normal guys.

Annie

If fear is the only thing that’s stopping you, then I suggest you tackle it and feel silly in retrospect for placing such a high value on those emotions.

I didn't know anyone but two of my friends from college when I moved to L.A. and all of my family still live in Massachusetts. You have an edge just by having someone who is blood and who can pull you out of the gutter or give you a hot meal just because they feel obligated to do so. There have been a dozen times when I’ve been like, "If only I had an aunt in the Valley!"

You'll be fine. There's plenty of work in your field out here. Dudes are gross and a pain pretty much everywhere. So are chicks. Everyone sucks to date and there are worse things than being poor.

See ya on the beach!

Hi Molls,

i'm 13 and i want to start a blog kind of like yours my dad doesnt want me to, and i'm verrrrrrrrrrrrry shy, like i was thinking of geting a wig like miley on " hannah montana" just to try.(like i joke, i dont like hannah) i think it woul be funny and it coul work bur i dont know wer or how to buy it without my father see it.

Molly

Of course your name is Molly and you want to start a blog. That's like being named Cinnamon and wanting to be a stripper. I get it.

You should listen to your dad. Parents usually say things for a reason. Trust me when I say that you have your whole life to blog, especially if you don’t mind being practically poverty stricken.

If you go behind his back and do it anyway, just make sure you don't write anything on there that will let people know who you are. Make up fake names for yourself and your friends; don't say where you live or where you go to school.

It may not seem like it, but if you want to be anything like me, you have to practice every day. I made my first blog on Geocities or Angelfire when I was 11 and I only got away with it because my mom had no idea what I was doing on the computer. I'm from a different time, kid.

You're probably going to hate your blog at first (and maybe forever, actually) but doing it every day decreases your odds of having everyone else hate it, too.

Make sure you use spellcheck.

Molls,

So there's this girl that is a friend of a friend of mine who I am developing a crush with. This girl and I actually follow each other on most of social networking/blow sites and we seem to have a lot of the same niche interests and "acknowledge" each others presence - likes, re-blogs, RT, etc. I've never actually held a conversation with this person, but Im sure we'd have a decent time hanging out. So how do I approach the subject of hanging out? Is it too forward? Also if I happen to run into her while she's with our mutual friend should I act more like a stranger or should it be more friendly?

Derek

Why do you think God invented dick pics, Derek?

J/Ksies, dawg. Don’t send her a dick pic… yet.

Just send her a message in her Tumblr ask box and be like, "Hey, girl. You seem dope. Sorry if this is awkward for you or if you’re not into this kind of thing, but do you want to get a drink sometime?" OR "Hey, I saw you like (insert band/artist’s name here.) I have tickets to their show in two weeks and it would be fun to go with another fan. No pressure. You’re allowed to think this is weird and not respond to me."

Read real closely: Do not misrepresent yourself and say you "want to be friends" (she'll never believe that even if she’s playing along) and do not compliment her looks or pretend you know her. Probably just copy and paste what I wrote above and hope that you've got a fly looking avatar, because that’s all I’d respond to. You have to wait to make sure this chick isn't totally fucked up before you can figure out the romantic stuff.

Be prepared to have her tell you in person that everything you know about her online presence is a lie. Be prepared to hate her guts or find out she has a boyfriend she doesn’t talk about on her blog. Don’t act like you’re going to know her deal before you meet in person. Assuming anything about her will be a turn off to her and a potential disappointment to you. It will also kill any illusion that you haven’t been tracking her moves online for long time and thinking about her when you masturbate.

Good luck. My fingers are crossed that it's a love connection!

Molly McAleer is the senior contributor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Los Angeles. She twitters here. You can find her website here. She is the co-founder of Hello Giggles.

Photographs by Jennifer Nies.

All The Advice That's Fit To Post On The Internet

Plz Advise #1: Guidelines for Twitter Romance

Plz Advise #2: Everytime You Go Away

Plz Advise #3: How to Make Friends And Influence Bloggers

Plz Advise #4: More Of A Bro Than You Thought

Plz Advise #5: Martini Time

Plz Advise #6: A General Lack of Self-Awareness

Plz Advise #7: Dump Your Boyfriends

Plz Advise #8: Advice To Keep Close At Hand

I Get My Advice From Plz Advise, Where Do You Get Yours From?

"I've Got Your Number" - Passion Pit (mp3)

"Wet Hair" - Japandroids (mp3)

"Lick the Balls" - Slick Rick (mp3)

References (2)

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Reader Comments (2)

To Annie: Chances are you probably will be poor, and it is extremely hard to meet normal guys. Not that you shouldn't come here-- it's beautiful and quality of life is great--- but that's just the reality.

May 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterY

You could start a blog, but then again I heard Tracie Egan-Husband's looking for assistant.

May 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSM

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