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A Poem for You

UPTICK

We were sitting there, and
I made a joke about how
it doesn’t dovetail: time,
one minute running out
faster than the one in front
it catches up to.
That way, I said,
there can be no waste.
Waste is virtually eliminated.

To come back for a few hours to
the present subject, a painting,
looking like it was seen,
half turning around, slightly apprehensive,
but it has to pay attention
to what’s up ahead: a vision.
Therefore poetry dissolves in
brilliant moisture and reads us
to us.
A faint notion. Too many words,
but precious.

- John Ashbery

This Recording

is dedicated to the enjoyment of audio and visual stimuli. Please visit our archives where we have uncovered the true importance of nearly everything. Should you want to reach us, e-mail alex dot carnevale at gmail dot com, but don't tell the spam robots. Consider contacting us if you wish to use This Recording in your classroom or club setting. We have given several talks at local Rotarys that we feel went really well.

The New York Series

Martin Scorsese Week

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Alex Carnevale        
Editor-in-Chief            
                                
Molly Lambert          
Managing Editor          
                                  
Will Hubbard            
Executive Editor

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Yvonne Georgina Puig
Meredith Hight
Durga Chew-Bose
Molly Young
Tyler Coates
Almie Rose
Karina Wolf
Danish Aziz
Eleanor Morrow
Owen Roberts

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    We also make a poetry journal called Cap Gun. Limited supplies are left of Issue 3. Read more here

     

    Friday
    05Feb2010

    In Which The Players Are More Interesting Than The Commercials

    Super Bowl Character Sketches

    by J. RYAN STRADAL

    SCOTT FUJITA

    When Scott Fujita, outside linebacker for the New Orleans Saints, was six weeks old, his white parents put him up for adoption, and he ended up as the son of Rod and Helen Fujita. 

    Rod was born in a Japanese internment camp during WWII and raised Scott amidst Japanese culture and tradition. Without one known blood relative, Scott adopted the culture of the parents that adopted him; from a young age, Scott would say “Japanese” when someone asked him his background. Today, Scott is, among other things, an advocate for awareness & education of the Japanese-American forced relocation and internment camps. Scott is also an outspoken supporter of GLBT rights, a public stance that’s insanely rare among active professional athletes.

    Scott’s job during the Super Bowl will be to shut down Dallas Clark’s intermediate routes and make open-field stops on Joseph Addai and Donald Brown when they run off-tackle. The Saints will try to match him up with leaner, faster guys like Austin Collie and Pierre Garçon on slot routes and quick outs. Wish him well.

    JONATHAN VILMA

    Jonathan Vilma, Middle Linebacker for the New Orleans Saints, is the child of Haitian immigrants, as you may know from the PSAs. On Super Bowl Sunday, it’ll probably be brought up 4,000 times.

    To turn the Saints success into money for the relief effort, he created a limited edition t-shirt for the Saints playoff run, with the proceeds from sales going to Haiti. He has yet to start his own foundation or charity for the cause like opponent and fellow Haitian Pierre Garcon, but he could and probably will.

    Jonathan’s always said if he wasn’t a football player he’d be a banker or financial planner, and he’s already started, launching a program called Financial 51 to teach school-age and college kids on smart saving and financial planning. It’s up and running in Miami and New Orleans so far, and it’s worked well enough that he’s spreading it to the NFL.

    Within two years of retirement, 78% of NFL players are bankrupt or under severe financial distress, so yeah, they need it, if you can believe it. Jonathan also models for RocaWear (not a merchandising deal – a modeling gig) and is a spokesman (and a model) for UnderArmour.

    As the middle linebacker, Vilma is the quarterback of the defense. Watch him, and not Peyton Manning, for at least one drive during the Super Bowl and check out what kinds of furiously intense and split-second head games the two men are playing with each other. Maybe it looks uncomplicated, but you’d rather take a staple gun to your chode than replace either of these men for one play.

    They say there’s only 11 minutes of actual “game” during a football game, but they’re wrong. This tete-a-tete between quarterback and middle linebacker is the equivalent of watching a player’s eyes during a chess match, if the pieces tried to kill each other, and their actions resulted in wanton crying and unnecessary financial ruin for some of the spectators. Enjoy.

    PIERRE GARÇON

    Pierre Garçon, Wide Receiver for the Indianapolis Colts, is also a child of Haitian immigrants. On the back of his jersey, there’s an awesome cedilla under the “ç” in Garçon. This makes it my third favorite piece of sports apparel ever. 

    He’s the guy who’s been holding up a Haitian flag after every Colts victory. He started a Haitian relief organization called the Pierre Garçon Helping Hands Foundation, and he plans to go to Haiti after football season. 

    Garçon played football at a Division III school called Mt. Union. Attending Mt. Union to become an NFL player is a bit like attending an online college to become a quantum physicist. Mt. Union has only produced four other NFL players ever, and only two since the 1920s. The odds have always been stacked against this guy. 

    He is also widely considered to be one of the most affable, funniest, and most approachable players on the team. He seems to give an interview to just about anyone with ten minutes and a blog. You don’t always get a great sense of Pierre in these interviews, but the questions usually suck.

    In the Super Bowl, Pierre will be split out wide pretty much all the time. Saints safety Darren Sharper, playing close to the line, might double-team Pierre or bump him off his routes. Watch for Sharper playing a deep zone in the Tampa-2, where he’ll try to cut off Garçon’s route and go for the pick 6. Your Super Bowl party will go nuts.

    REGGIE BUSH

    Reggie Bush, running back for the New Orleans Saints, is second to Peyton Manning in NFL endorsement deals, shilling for, among others, Pepsi, General Motors, Red Bull, and Subway. He is dating Kim Kardashian; they’ve been seen around South Beach shopping together this week.

    Reggie is in Ciara’s music video for “Like A Boy” and appears on the cover of two different video games. He has had dinner with Condoleeza Rice. According to his Twitter feed, he wonders, “How is Legion? Should I go see it? Or wait for DVD?” The case about whether Reggie and his family received gifts in violation of NCAA policies while Reggie was at USC is going to trial this year.

    Reggie has done quite a bit for Hurricane Katrina relief. He donated enough money to keep a special-needs school in Metairie open. He personally funded a new football field where six local high schools play their games. He donated Hummers to the police department in Slidell so they could travel through the flooded streets.

    He was out in public distributing food. He donated 25% of his jersey sales to Katrina-related charities. Perhaps that sounds picayune, but in 2006 Reggie Bush had the top selling NFL jersey. In fact, he had the top-selling jersey in any sport that year.

    Reggie won the Heisman Trophy in college. He was the second overall pick in 2006 and signed a contract worth tens of millions of dollars. After his Katrina work and a promising rookie year, to say he has not performed up to expectations is to trifle with a football fan’s affinity for superlatives.

    Going into this season, he was not even a starting running back. He was a ludicrously expensive role player, widely considered to be a bust. In the Super Bowl, if Reggie scores at least one TD and the Saints win, he'll be considered worth every penny.

    AUSTIN COLLIE

    Austin Collie, Wide Receiver for the Indianapolis Colts, started his rookie season at age 24 because he took two years off for a Mormon mission in Buenos Aires. Austin had a 3.9 GPA in high school and turned down a scholarship at Stanford to attend Brigham Young. You can guess who he credits for ever.

    His wife Brooke started a blog on blogspot that has since between switched over to “invite only” after some kind of incident involving embarrassing photos. On the field, he is exceptionally good for a rookie. This year, he led all NFL rookies in receiving touchdowns, with seven, and tied for the lead in receptions, with 60.

    Even so, Peyton Manning is known to be hard on Austin and yells at him a lot. Austin says he doesn’t mind; Austin’s both Canadian by birth and a surfer in the off-season, which may help explain his famously mellow temperament. 

    During the Super Bowl, the Colts will try to put him in the slot and line him up against a slower opponent, like linebacker Scott Fujita, unless Jonathan Vilma notices in time, and gets a defensive back like Tracy Porter or Jabari Greer over to cover Collie in time, depending on the formation.

    GARY BRACKETT

    Gary Brackett, middle linebacker for the Indianapolis Colts, had a hell of a path to becoming a professional athlete. He attended Rutgers, but not for football – he joined the team as a walk-on. He wasn’t drafted out of college, and had to sign with the Colts for a few thousand bucks as a long-shot free agent in 2003. The Colts drafted two other linebackers that year.

    For the layperson, that’s a bit like interviewing for one job against two people who are related to the boss and were flown in & put up in a hotel while you drove 700 miles and slept in your car in a parking lot. Gary is now the captain of the team’s entire defense.

    Starting his rookie year in 2003, over a 17-month period, Gary also lost his father, mother, and brother.

    Gary’s father was a PTSD-stricken Vietnam vet who had to watch Gary’s high school games from his car because he couldn’t handle crowds. He died of a heart attack. Gary’s mother died of a stroke after a routine hysterectomy. Gary’s older brother died of T-cell leukemia despite blood marrow transfusions from Gary.

    When he takes the field, he pumps his fist against his chest three times, for each of them.

    In 2007, Gary founded a charity called the IMPACT foundation to help children with dead and dying parents. He was awarded the Arthur S. Arkush Humanitarian Award in 2009 for his work. Through this charity, he also provides children in Indianapolis hospitals with books, computers, and games.

    During the Super Bowl, when Gary tackles Reggie Bush, bear in mind that Reggie is being tackled by a man who, unlike Reggie, had nothing handed to him, who’s fought through all kinds of personal tragedy, and has made a fraction of the money. Then watch as each man returns to his respective huddle, as if nothing else matters but the next play, and know they are right.

    PEYTON MANNING 

    Peyton Manning you may already know. He is the man whose level of attractiveness/charisma relative to his face-time on TV commercials is completely skewed and morally discouraging.

    His father, Archie Manning, played in the NFL from 1971 to 1984, almost entirely for the Saints, and never won a damn thing. Now Peyton is in his second Super Bowl, trying to beat the team he first cheered for, the team his father gave his life and body to, the team whose legacy of defeat Peyton endured through six hard formative years.

    We are told that the city of New Orleans needs this, that the Saints need this, that maybe even Archie Manning needs this. Peyton will not let it happen. Peyton will do everything in his power to deny a city, a team, and his own father a beautifully scripted catharsis. It is not the storybook ending we want. It is sports.

    J. Ryan Stradal is a contributor to This Recording. He is a writer in Los Angeles. This is his first appearance in these pages.

    "Before The Earth Was Round" - OK Go (mp3)

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    Thursday
    04Feb2010

    In Which That Out Of Body Experience Just Might Be Your Death 

    What Happens In The Vortex

    by MOLLY LAMBERT

    James Ray is a great name for a murderer, isn't it? James Arthur Ray. J.A.R. It's so hardboiled sounding, like a James M. Cain or Mickey Spillane character.

    "I fully know, for me, that there is no blame. Every single thing is your responsibility and nothing is your fault." - James Ray, before he supervised three deaths in Sedona

    Man it has been a bad season for poseur prophets. Andrew Young wishes he'd worked for this guy instead. Was this a hippie flavored Milgram experiment? How do you think James Ray's dick size compares to John Edwards and Greg Oden

    James Ray should hook up with Rielle Hunter and go on the lam like a crystal-powered Bonnie and Clyde. I'm sure The Secret and their natural cocktail of adrenaline and DMT will prevent them from being arrested. 

     

    There are so many grisly factors involved in this tragedy; cultiness, malignant narcissism, magical thinking, new age bullshit, raping cultural practices.

    I can't do better than these quotes from his wikipedia:

    James Ray is an advocate of the Law of Attraction; his teachings have been described as "including a mix of spirituality, motivational speaking, and quantum physics". In response to critics who asked if Holocaust victims were, in Ray's view, thinking incorrectly, Ray stated in a 2007 interview: "I know people of the Jewish faith and heritage who don't necessarily believe the Holocaust was bad. Now that might be shocking to you but I have people on record who have said, hey there's a lot of good things that came out of that, a lot of lessons, a lot of opportunities for the world."

    If you don't break your hand, you can't break on through (to the other side)Former attendees of Ray's seminars have reported unsafe practices and lack of properly trained medical staff in 2005. A New Jersey woman shattered her hand after she was pressured by Ray to participate in a quasi-martial arts board-breaking exercise. After several unsuccessful untrained attempts, the woman sustained multiple fractures during the seminar that was held at Disney World.  

    Oh weird none of that sounds sketchy at allIn July 2009, Colleen Conaway attended a seminar hosted by James Ray International in which the attendees were directed to dress as homeless people. She fell to her death at the Horton Plaza Mall in San Diego. She died as a result of injuries, and according to police, she had no identification on her person. 

    The attendees, who had paid up to $10,000 to participate in the retreat, had fasted for 36 hours during a vision quest exercise before the next day's sweat lodge. During this vision quest, participants were left alone in the Arizona desert with a sleeping bag, although Ray offered them Peruvian ponchos for an additional $250. 

    Native American experts on sweat lodges have criticized the reported construction and conduct of the lodge as not meeting traditional ways ("bastardized", "mocked" and "desecrated"). Indian leaders expressed concerns and prayers for the dead and injured. They say the ceremony is their way of life and not a religion, as white men see it.

    The ceremony should only be in sanctioned lodge carriers hands from legitimate nations. Traditionally, a typical leader has 4 to 8 years of apprenticeship before being allowed to care for people in a lodge. Participants are instructed to call out whenever they feel uncomfortable, and the ceremony is usually stopped to help them.

    why must you bring the Na'vi race into your fucked up bullshit, mestizo?The lodge was said to be unusually built from non-breathable materials. Charging for the ceremony was said to be inappropriate. The number of participants was criticized as too high and the ceremony length was said to be too long. Respect to elders' oversight was said to be important for avoiding unfortunate events. The tragedy was characterized as "plain carelessness", with a disregard for the participants safety and outright negligence. 

    TEAM BUILDING = DEATH!!!

    Lessons learned: be careful what you twitter. All this shit about conquering death and having an out of body experience, well, it sounds like Jonestown talk.

    L. Ron Hubbard, evil ginger of note

    P.T. Anderson's new movie is reportedly focused on a spiritual swindler, to be played by Philip Seymour Hoffman, and speculatively modeled after L. Ron Hubbard. I'm sure he is monitoring this story with interest. Some of the photos of James Ray's live lectures reminded me a lot of Frank T.J. Mackey, one of a handful of great performances by (princess dianetica) Tom Cruise.

    Why are so many people so hungry to be led? Why aren't people who believe that they are channeling god considered mentally ill? Why does fucked up shit always have to happen in the desert? Isn't the east coast bias bad enough as it is? 

    Molly Lambert is the managing editor of This Recording. She tumbls here, and twitters here.

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    "A Woman Alone With The Blues" - Peggy Lee (mp3)

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    Wednesday
    03Feb2010

    In Which Lost Starts A Race War In Its Season Premiere

    White Paradise

    by DICK CHENEY

    Lost

    Season Six

    Kaltxì. Ngaru lu fpom srak. Fì-skxawng-ìri tsap’alute sengi oe. Tsun oe nga-hu nì-Na’vi pängkxo a fì-’u oe-ru prrte’ lu.

    What's that? You haven't taken the Introduction to Na'vi course I've been offering at the Learning Annex since Jesus's birthday came and went? No matter, as soon children will be communicating entirely in Na'vi, a language that has no word for pedophile, champion, and, strangely, sandwich.

    let me help you dig her grave - we can make a kissing game out of it With Lost back on the airwaves, I am back on This Recording with a contract that permits me to make fun of Lambert for being a ginger as often as I like. Since my thoughts about how revolting I find Evangeline Lilly haven't graced these pages in awhile, much has changed. My Obama jokes are no longer as amusing since our country Chinua Achebed all over my pantaloons. This is a time for all Americans to live together or die alone like Shepard Smith or Jennifer Garner in Valentine's Day.


    In response to the revolutionary debut of Avatar, two serious changes have come about in my post-vice-presidential life. First, my dietician now knows exactly what I'm talking about when I tell him I want Sam Worthington's body. Second, the white majority that produces Lost is finally realizing that it's OK to be racist. Racism is the only thing that can save us from four more years of BO apologizing for the billions he gave to banks during his State of the Union.


    Outward racism is all the rage these days. Vanity Fair highlighted the most promising eating disorders in Hollywood and they didn't even tab the girl from Precious. On a scale of one-to-ten how surprised would you be if you found out Graydon Carter owned slaves?

    what's the na'vi word for three-way? Lost has taken up the James Cameron-related charge to make fools of people of color with the most naïve aplomb since Joss Whedon told Fox execs that everyone would enjoy Dollhouse. Last night's two hour long Lost premiere began with Jack on a plane, condescendingly observing the show's only interracial couple, regaling them with smiles and plaudits alike. He was about five seconds away from handing Rose and Bernard a nickel - Everything That Rises Must Converge-style.

    From there we went back to the island. Somehow detonating a hydrogen bomb didn't fix everyone's problems, although it did work wonders as a time travel device, taking the cast from 1977 to 2010 with everyone alive and Kate somehow in a tree. In the ensuing fracas, Sawyer blood-kissed Juliet and it was astonishingly only the third most awkward kiss of 2010 after Margene and Benny Hendrickson's Big Love smooch and Jenna Elfman kissing anyone.

    "let's watch keeping the faith on DVD and observe how hot I was before scientology!"Hugo Reyes, the show's only surviving Latino character, is continually depicted as a slow-witted consumer of chicken who despite great verbal faculty in some areas, reverts to "dudes" and "come on" faster than B.J. Novak tricks girls. Don't get me started on the show's Asian characters. I'm not exactly well-educated enough to completely explain why depicting a Korean man as a glorified thug and an Asian-American as a medium is more objectionable than giving the native population on Pandora dreads for hair, but it just feels wrong.

    why didn't I think of sending messages like this? how the f do you subpoena an ankh?Now that we know the man in black is in fact the smoke monster, his battle with Jacob is starting to more closely resemble a race war than a feud between two gods. AWB (Acting While Black) on Lost is considered a faux pas at best. When I was in Cali for the Chargers game a few weeks ago I saw the character formerly known as Walt at a tumblr meet up. It was so depressing I wanted to fly him to Waikiki and play chess with him for hours.

    This wasn't the only thing that felt a little awry last night. The dramatic opening pan through miles of underwater CGI looked awful, and the rest of the two hour episode was shot on about three sets. Lost is starting to resemble the output of a very serious improv troupe with the director calling from offstage, "OK, Evangeline, in this scene Kate wants to run. Do you copy? She is going to run from her problems instead of dealing with them. Do you need a second with that?"

    "lefleuer, your dick is about .038 oden. you're welcome"In many ways, this interminable premiere was a just a tying up of loose ends. Now that Elizabeth Mitchell has a new acting job staring at CGI spaceships (ABC tried to Avatar-up V with little success), she doesn't need to make vague and unhelpful suggestions about LeFleur harboring long lost feelings for Kate. She was a broken record with that stuff. If television has taught us anything, it's that the timely death of a lover opens up a multitude of romantic possibilities. At the very least, John Edwards has this to look forward to.

    the long con beginsJosh Holloway looks like he's been chasing ass in L.A. since last season ended, and his obsession with Jack was never the show's most successful storyline. Jack isn't all that sympathetic, and Sawyer is about as appealing as a widower with blood all over his face can be. Jack's arrogant dismissal of Locke's paralysis was typical for doctors. They always think they're the best at everything. It's so predictable. Now that Sawyer is about as compelling as a Cabbage patch kid, this show needs a protagonist, stat.

    if there is any one thing this show needs, it is ian mcshane Of course the most annoying moment of the premiere was when every d-bag in the world whispered to his friends, "That guy was on Deadwood!" when John Hawkes showed up to interpret the vague directions of the Asian warlord Other who controls the fountain of the youth. Jesus guys, even Ponce de Leon thinks that's a bunch of racist crap. James Cameron is cringing, and he invented racism.

    "at least I'll be able to find acting work after this show ends"Also put out to pasture for most of the episode was Sayid. Despite the weird moment where he told everyone to get out of the way as he kicked down the bathroom door of Oceanic Flight 815 to save Driveshaft and Jack and the crew looked at him like he had a box-cutter, Sayid is the only minority with a slightly positive portrayal. Actually they've been portraying him as a vicious murderer and torturer for the last five seasons, so I take that back.

    Reinventing yourself is a subject near and dear to my heart. Y'all knew me as a boisterous, controlling, megalomaniacal vice president who loved e-mail, gchat, and Lost spoilers. In my new life, I spend most of the day pounding Buffalo Trace and snacking on chimichangas. Lost may be insane and contradictory, but above all it is familiar. You always know where you stand with respect to Lost, which is more than I can say for my wife Lynne.

    OK see you next week. I will spend every day between now and next Tuesday trying to believably photoshop myself onto Greg Oden's body.

    Dick Cheney is the former vice president of the United States and the senior contributor to This Recording.

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