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<!--Generated by Squarespace Site Server v5.9.2 (http://www.squarespace.com/) on Tue, 16 Mar 2010 17:08:00 GMT--><feed xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/"><title>Recently on This Recording</title><subtitle>Home</subtitle><id>http://thisrecording.com/today/</id><link rel="alternate" type="application/xhtml+xml" href="http://thisrecording.com/today/"/><link rel="self" type="application/atom+xml" href="http://thisrecording.com/today/atom.xml"/><updated>2010-03-16T15:29:29Z</updated><generator uri="http://www.squarespace.com/" version="Squarespace Site Server v5.9.2 (http://www.squarespace.com/)">Squarespace</generator><entry><title>In Which We Only Exist In The Literature of Richard Ford</title><category term="BOOKS"/><category term="elena schilder. richard ford"/><id>http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/16/in-which-we-only-exist-in-the-literature-of-richard-ford.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/16/in-which-we-only-exist-in-the-literature-of-richard-ford.html"/><author><name>Alex</name></author><published>2010-03-16T15:16:28Z</published><updated>2010-03-16T15:16:28Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/cls-a0a0q0-a.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268690268694" alt="" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 250%;">The Secret Life of Richard Ford<br /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">by ELENA SCHILDER</span></p>
<p>In beginning to write this I&rsquo;ve crossed out three sentence fragments already, because ornery Irish Alec Baldwin, whom I love &mdash; lust, even &mdash; won&rsquo;t let go his grip on my head.  His book, <em>A Promise to Ourselves:  A Journey Through Fatherhood and Divorce</em>, is about his break from Kim Basinger and <a href="http://defamer.gawker.com/253858/celebrity-custody-battle-fun-time-alec-baldwins-leaked-voicemail-tirade">the ensuing custody battle</a> over their daughter Ireland. On the cover he&rsquo;s smiling in a way that might be impish and might also be creepy.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-float-left ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i43.tinypic.com/2928m7q.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268690370506" alt="" width="245" height="406" /></span>There is something quintessentially American about Baldwin &mdash; his ruddy cheeks, his temper, the feeling that you&rsquo;re being evaded a little bit for the sake of charm and a warm handshake.  He may be a bit of a Bill Clinton, which &mdash; my mother will tell yo u&mdash; has its appeal.  But Baldwin is not as talented a writer as he is a showman, and a book that ostensibly reveals his deepest feelings &mdash; nostalgia, paternal love, grief over a ruined marriage, even thoughts of suicide &mdash; has a generic, flat and ultimately self-preserving tone.  This comes through especially clearly in some of his two-adjective descriptions of women:  &ldquo;She was a brash, colorful woman who reminded me of Joy Behar from <em>The View</em>.&rdquo;</p>
<p>A little while ago now, Katie Roiphe <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/03/books/review/Roiphe-t.html?ref=books&amp;pagewanted=all">bravely took on the specter of male ego</a> in American literature written by men since mid-century.  Specifically, she dug at the current generation of white male novelists&mdash;many, if not all of whom are based in Brooklyn&mdash;for lacking the balls to write about sex as broadly, boldly and bawdily as their forefathers &mdash; the John Updike of <em>Rabbit, Run</em> and <em>Couples</em> and the Philip Roth of <em>Portnoy&rsquo;s Complaint</em>.  She bemoans the current tendency toward a male sexuality so inward-looking that it forgets even to objectify women.  But what is depressing about Roiphe&rsquo;s piece is not its spot-on critique of &ldquo;the Jonathans" and their twee literary voices.  What is more than a little depressing is that her argument assumes not only ego but an over-the-top narcissism as the ruling force behind contemporary American literature by men.  As Alec Baldwin likes to put it, ego seems to be the &ldquo;ruler of the day.&rdquo;</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/Richard_Ford_wideweb__470x3352.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268690477403" alt="" /></span></p>
<p>Richard Ford seems to me a particularly interesting American writer because it is far less clear in his novels than in the novels of John Updike or Jonathan Safran Foer when, if ever, his ego comes into the picture.  Though Ford started his career as a short story writer in the tradition of Raymond Carver, with a romantic, minimalist tone and a limited but highly recognizable set of symbols &mdash; the rifle, the whiskey bottle, the barstool, the woman in a &ldquo;powder-blue dress&rdquo; (one of the few physical descriptions of the narrator&rsquo;s mother in one of Ford&rsquo;s <a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=aiI4K5hRB8AC&amp;printsec=frontcover&amp;dq=rock+springs+richard+ford&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=2GCGYrQmJM&amp;sig=9zOrZkJHHow2Eta8YHzdws69umE&amp;hl=en&amp;ei=4ZufS8DRCYOdlgecvoCADg&amp;sa=X&amp;oi=book_result&amp;ct=result&amp;resnum=5&amp;ved=0CCIQ6AEwBA#v=onepage&amp;q=&amp;f=false">most famous stories</a>, &ldquo;Rock Springs&rdquo;) &mdash; he is also the author of a series of novels written in a very different style, all three devoted to the characterization of Frank Bascombe, a divorced man moving through middle age in the suburbs of New Jersey.</p>
<p>The trilogy is comparable to Updike&rsquo;s <em>Rabbit </em>series in its basics, at least:  both follow an American everyman over the course of several decades of American history.  In both series, the protagonist&rsquo;s experience feels charged with the weight of history while at the same time bringing to bear something singular and personal.  Both characters are unforgettable and nondescript.</p>
<p>Ford wrote <em>The Sportswriter</em> in 1986, <em>Independence Day</em> in 1995 and <em>The Lay of the Land</em> in 2006. Reading the three books in sequence, all at once, one has the odd sensation of watching Frank Bascombe age alongside his creator; in twenty years&rsquo; time, both men take on the markers of deepening middle age &mdash; the prose seems more distracted, and more often wanders toward questions of national politics.  Ford was born in 1944, meaning he was 42 when he began publishing the series and 62 when he finished. I bring up Ford&rsquo;s parallel aging only because his presence in these books is, I would imagine, something all readers of the series wonder about from time to time.  In Roth and Updike, the degree to which their books are &ldquo;semi-autobiographical&rdquo; is almost comically moot, but with Ford there is more to wonder about.</p>
<p>Simply put, the books are built on Bascombe&rsquo;s musings about life and how to live it.  It&rsquo;s hard to believe, actually, as you trudge deeper into the minutia of the novels, how little else there is to them, and how often he dares to bring you back to life&rsquo;s &ldquo;deeper&rdquo; questions.  Before he was a sportswriter, Bascombe was a short-story writer, and his narration never wavers in its writerly search for structure, or Cher Horowitz&rsquo;s prized &ldquo;control in a world full of chaos.&rdquo; The weird thing about Bascombe&rsquo;s inner peace is that it comes at the expense of all the big rocks the biggest male egos build their mansions on: success, family, the love of a good woman.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-float-right ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i41.tinypic.com/2luyl5f.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268690512205" alt="" width="322" height="322" /></span>Frank Bascombe is divorced, chooses New Jersey over New York, and, after the success of his first book of short stories, becomes increasingly alienated from his career:  he writes about sports, until he starts selling real estate.  It&rsquo;s unclear how devoted he really is to his children.  The books feel very much like a polemic pitched against these nominal failures &mdash; he claims, over and over, until a point in the third book that feels finally like he&rsquo;s admitting to having fucked up, that his life is beautiful because he has denied himself literary success and a happy home.</p>
<p>To be honest, he makes quite a persuasive argument at the outset.  One of my favorite moments in the trilogy comes early on, when Frank reveals that he&rsquo;s been going to see a palm-reader since the death of his oldest son.  &ldquo;Mrs. Miller, her house, her business, her relatives, her life, posed altogether a small but genuine source of pleasure and wonder.  It was as much for that reason I went to see her once a week.&rdquo; The books are full of treasures like this &mdash; counterintuitive pleasures, &ldquo;mystery&rdquo; as served up by the banal New Jersey landscape &mdash; and one of the great joys of the books is to imagine a man capable of self-consciously thwarting his own ambition and deciding, in fact, he&rsquo;d much rather smell the proverbial roses. You never know quite whether to believe him.</p>
<p>After he&rsquo;d read about fifty pages of <em>The Sportswriter</em>, one of my friends said that Frank Bascombe seemed like a man who can only exist in literature. I keep wondering whether that&rsquo;s true, because I &mdash; twenty-five, a woman &mdash; spent all summer feeling quite kindred to him.  Before reading these books I&rsquo;d never seen that impulse of mine &mdash; crudely put, to subdue ego in the pursuit of some elusive pedestrian glory &mdash; not only spelled out but hammered out into dogma. But one has to wonder about a character (or a writer) who spends upwards of a thousand pages &ldquo;subduing&rdquo; ego in the first person.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/03/books/review/Roiphe-t.html?ref=books&amp;pagewanted=all" target="_blank"><img src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/popup-v2.gif?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268694830210" alt="" width="530" height="371" /></a></span><span class="thumbnail-caption" style="width: 530px;">by paula scher</span></span>Frank Bascombe undercuts the declamatory philosophizing to which he&rsquo;s prone by insisting, in folksy tones, on his ignorance, simplicity and lack of pretension. It&rsquo;s easy to identify with the intention to be humble, but by the end of the series you&rsquo;re left wondering whether humility should feel like quite so much work.</p>
<p>Having read a semi-recent essay by Ford <a href="http://www.bookforum.com/inprint/016_01/3512">about whether Frank Bascombe is</a>, as readers have asked him, an &ldquo;everyman,&rdquo; I worry that the author of these books suffers from some of the same self-deluding principles he&rsquo;s bestowed on his protagonist.  It was oddly disappointing to read Ford&rsquo;s description of his writing process as &ldquo;fortuitous&rdquo; &mdash; he makes the case that he owes nothing to &ldquo;what some people (not I) romantically call talent,&rdquo; but that his &mdash; beautifully written and conceived! &mdash; novels were born of a set of happy accidents.  To lyrically and verbosely understate one&rsquo;s gifts is forgivable in a real estate salesman with the soul of a writer, but less so in a career fiction-writer.</p>
<p>I listened to a New Yorker podcast at some point in which Richard Ford <a href="http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2006/12/25/061225on_onlineonly04">read aloud a short John Cheever story</a> that he really liked.  He has a strong Mississippi accent, appropriate to a man who likes to make grandiose declarations of purpose and meaning. I think they call voices like that &ldquo;mellifluous.&rdquo; I like the figure Ford cuts next to the group of writers whose sexual fantasies so absorb and repel Katie Roiphe, because if nothing else he seems intent on creating something alternative to their models.  There&rsquo;s a sincere hopefulness in Frank Bascombe&rsquo;s fictive voice, the lack of which I feel heavily when reading John Updike and Alec Baldwin alike. Those American giants are satisfied even in their displeasure. After reading three novels rooted inside Frank Bascombe&rsquo;s head, you realize (maybe a little sadly) that he&rsquo;s quite successfully obscured his identity from everyone, himself included. If there is something tragic in his story, it is the feeling that, dreaming all the while of great things, he has shied away from self-acceptance &mdash; as, we&rsquo;re told, dreamers often do.</p>
<p><em>Elena Schilder is a contributor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Brooklyn. This is her first appearance in these pages.<br /></em></p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/photo.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268690090739" alt="" /></span></p>
<p>"Goodnight Saigon" - Billy Joel (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/5fm3jxmzmjy/09%20Goodnight%20Saigon.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"Uptown Girl" - Weezer (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/d4myn0m4mj4/weezer%20-%20uptown%20girl%20%28billy%20joel%20cover%29.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"Say Goodbye to Hollywood" - Billy Joel (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/xzk4nmjmwzn/04%20Say%20goodbye%20to%20Hollywood.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p><object width="525" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/a_XgQhMPeEQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/a_XgQhMPeEQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="525" height="344"></embed></object></p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/Richard-Ford-002.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268751451623" alt="" /></span></span></p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>In Which We Go Together Like Peas and Carrots</title><category term="FILM"/><category term="ellen copperfield"/><category term="tom hanks"/><id>http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/15/in-which-we-go-together-like-peas-and-carrots.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/15/in-which-we-go-together-like-peas-and-carrots.html"/><author><name>Alex</name></author><published>2010-03-15T15:25:46Z</published><updated>2010-03-15T15:25:46Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i40.tinypic.com/11az7ra.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268664472438" alt="" width="530" height="445" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 250%;">The Bonfire of the Bosom Buddy </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">by ELLEN COPPERFIELD</span></p>
<p>I was watching <em>The Polar Express </em>last week and trying to recover the spirit of Christmas for some muffins I was planning when it occurred to me: doesn't that train conductor remind me of something ineffable and someone specific?</p>
<p>My aunt told me it was Tom Hanks, and I was like, "they modeled the conductor after a producer on <em>Big Love</em>?" She explained that Hanks was the owner of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Hanks">a long and storied Hollywood career</a>, while her daschund Leopold stared at me unforgivingly for my ignorance.  I spent this past weekend watching all of this old-timey actor's moving pictures, and I have summarized the plots of these films so you can easily find what interests you.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/darylhanna_splash2.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268662871796" alt="" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Splash </span></p>
<p>A man has sex with a mermaid and feels somewhat bad about it. The mermaid's father frowns upon the match because it conflicted with the IPO of his underwater company.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">The Money Pit </span></p>
<p>A home restoration project goes south when a man realizes his wife is Shelley Long.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/bachelorparty.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268666301472" alt="" /></span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Bachelor Party </span></p>
<p>A famous football player insists that protection is for Ravens while attempting sex. The woman mishears "Ravens" as "cravens", freaks out, and ends up majoring in communications. Todd Phillips is passed out nearby and gets the idea for <em>The Hangover.</em></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Dragnet </span></p>
<p>Two white police officers pay tribute to a long-running television series by visiting Santa Claus at the North Pole. Santa tells them to come back when they're animated.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i42.tinypic.com/1z22buv.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268664245409" alt="" width="529" height="417" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Big </span></p>
<p>A man shrinks to the size of a gumdrop to become a boy again and lives inside a huge piano with all his friends. Older women are constantly intuiting he's more advanced sexually than he professes. To return to full size, he is forced to rape a gypsy woman.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Punchline </span></p>
<p>A comedian is infected with AIDS by Denzel Washington.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i41.tinypic.com/sljtiw.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268666362175" alt="" width="530" height="417" /></span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Turner and Hooch</span></p>
<p>A man and an anti-semitic dog fight crime.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;"> The 'Burbs </span></p>
<p>You may be more familiar with a recent remake of <em>The 'Burbs</em>, <em>Saw IV</em>.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Joe Versus the Volcano</span></p>
<p>A pet detective finally marries his true love (Courteney Cox) and decides that Meg Ryan is likelier to have a successful big screen career. He struggles to find a way to break off the engagement before deciding to burn his penis off in an active volcano.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i43.tinypic.com/21mav0k.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268664410982" alt="" width="527" height="395" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">The Bonfire of the Vanities</span></p>
<p>A journalist with no imagination finds it easier to make things up than interview any more astronauts than he has to. He uses a revolutionary technique to clone himself. He names the clone Malcolm Gladwell.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">A League of Their Own </span></p>
<p>An alcoholic womanizer leads a baseball team of women to greatness and inadvertently creates <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_View_%28U.S._TV_series%29">a popular daytime television program</a>. A text card at the end of the film specifies that they would have achieved nothing without a male manager.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i39.tinypic.com/21b866a.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268665724565" alt="" width="530" height="350" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Sleepless in Seattle </span></p>
<p>A woman facebooks a guy and he ends up taking it way farther than it ever has to go. She falls in love with his eight-year old by accident and they go live on a cute houseboat for the rest of their lives.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Philadelphia </span></p>
<p>The two main people in a gay man's life are Antonio Banderas and Denzel Washington, and he's still unhappy as a clam for no discernible reason. Andrew Sullivan cameos as "another guy with HIV."</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i41.tinypic.com/mvq1he.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268663028711" alt="" width="529" height="357" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Forrest Gump </span></p>
<p>The thinly disguised life story of Joe Biden. He has a sexual relationship with Robin Wright Penn and everyone has some misgivings that she took advantage of him. Biden emphasizes the fact that he rides Amtrak in his speeches because he is unable to pilot an automobile.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i41.tinypic.com/10nayx4.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268666716009" alt="" width="530" height="361" /></span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Apollo 13 </span></p>
<p>A bunch of guys head into space, reassuring their wives with platitudes like, "We won't fuck up in space," and "It's space, what could go wrong?" and "Kevin Bacon's coming with us to space, this will be hilars." These predictions prove largely inaccurate.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">That Thing You Do! </span></p>
<p>The true story of Simon Cowell's rise to public prominence related for the first time.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Saving Private Ryan</span></p>
<p>Despite the fact that Jews are dying by the millions in camps across Europe, it ends up being a lot more important for everybody's peace of mind that one goy be rescued by a squadron of morons.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/you've got mail 2.bmp?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268663755806" alt="" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">You've Got Mail </span></p>
<p>A man flirts with a woman on the internet; she is somehow not disgusted by the fact it takes 20 minutes for him to type one instant message into AIM. He misunderstands "Shop Around the Corner" for a sexual euphemism, she apologizes for the miscommunication. Not only does he not accept her apology, he puts her out of business and cuts off her airway with the skin folds from his degraded neck. The funeral is a lovely affair, and each of the eulogies emphasize the dangers of misrepresenting yourself on AIM.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">The Green Mile </span></p>
<p>A magical, physically imposing black man heals people with his touch, so the white prison guards murder him, but not before he cures all their urinary tract infections. It turns out that the black man had the spirit of a white guy (Rob Schneider) inside him all along.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/castaway1.gif?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268663929598" alt="" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Cast Away </span></p>
<p>High on cocaine, Robert Zemeckis has an idea that later becomes <em>Lost</em>; a plane crashes on an island and <a href="http://thisrecording.com/today/tag/dick-cheney">only the boring characters survive</a>.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Road to Perdition </span></p>
<p>Two playwrights debate <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Dinner_with_Andre">the existential nature of life</a> over dinner one evening. Hot topic: 'what does the word perdition mean?'</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i43.tinypic.com/vopsif.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268663205649" alt="" width="528" height="349" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Catch Me If You Can </span></p>
<p>Christopher Walken has a son, and - shock, surprise! - it doesn't turn out all that well. The son becomes a pilot and figures prominently in the September 11th terrorist attacks on America. He ends up dating Molly McAleer, probably.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i41.tinypic.com/6ibad1.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268663574933" alt="" width="527" height="342" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">The Terminal </span></p>
<p>A man who jerks off into people's luggage is apprehended and forced to copulate with Catherine Zeta-Jones while Michael Douglas looks on approvingly.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">The Ladykillers </span></p>
<p>A brother-brother writer-director team misfires with their latest film and decides to nab an Oscar by utilizing the foolproof method of having Tommy Lee Jones do the movie's voiceover.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;"> The Polar Express</span></p>
<p>A shocking expose of how the Japanese kill 500 of Santa's dwarves each year <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Cove_%28film%29">in front of a live studio audience in the Arctic</a>.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;"> The Da Vinci Code </span></p>
<p><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Langdon">Dr. Robert Langdon</a> is infected with HIV by Denzel Washington.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i39.tinypic.com/xo1t1e.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268664616416" alt="" width="529" height="339" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Charlie Wilson's War </span></p>
<p>Mike Nichols' 100 minute logic proof that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elaine_May">Elaine May</a> had all the talent.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">Angels and Demons</span></p>
<p>Dr. Robert Langdon gives up treasure hunting and retires to a tropical island with Audrey Tautou, Emily Blunt, and Denzel Washington.</p>
<p><em>Ellen Copperfield is a contributor to This Recording. She tumbls <a href="http://ellencopperfield.tumblr.com/">here</a>. She last wrote in these pages about <a href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2009/12/26/in-which-i-believe-in-the-morning-youll-begin-to-see-the-lig.html">how to politely dump someone</a>.<br /></em></p>
<p><em><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i43.tinypic.com/20z4i6c.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268664520377" alt="" width="530" height="397" /></span></em></p>
<p>"Down by the River" - Neil Young (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/kjmny5fddxn/04%20Down%20By%20The%20River.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"Philadelphia" - Neil Young (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/olouzmhxxm0/Neil_Young_-_Philadelphia.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere" - Neil Young (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/it3mzg3zkmr/02%20Everybody%20Knows%20This%20Is%20Nowhere.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"The Losing End (When You're On)" - Neil Young (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/clwazjjyxug/05%20The%20Losing%20End%20%28When%20You%27re%20On%29.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/Tom_Hanks_417033a.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268665185907" alt="" /></span></p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>In Which We Die On The Altar of Leo Tolstoy</title><category term="BOOKS"/><category term="leo tolstoy"/><category term="paul johnson"/><id>http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/13/in-which-we-die-on-the-altar-of-leo-tolstoy.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/13/in-which-we-die-on-the-altar-of-leo-tolstoy.html"/><author><name>Alex</name></author><published>2010-03-13T15:39:51Z</published><updated>2010-03-13T15:39:51Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/ghfhdfghdh.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268421929371" alt="" /></span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 250%;">Tolstoy: Kind of a Dick</span><span style="font-size: 150%;"><br /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">by PAUL JOHNSON</span></p>
<p><em>It has been said that a careful reading of <em><a class="extiw" title="w:Anna Karenina" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anna_Karenina">Anna Karenina</a></em>, if it teaches you nothing else, will teach you how to make strawberry jam.</em></p>
<p><em>- <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julian_Mitchell">Julian Mitchell</a><br /></em></p>
<p>Leo Tolstoy's diaries reveal that, as a young man of twenty-five, he was already conscious of special power and a commanding moral destiny: 'Read a work on the literary characterization of genius today, and this awoke in me the conviction that I am a remarkable man both as regards capacity and eagerness to work. I have not yet met a single man who was morally as good as I, and who believed that I do not remember an instance in my life when I was not attracted to what is good and was not ready to sacrifice anything to it.' He felt in his own soul 'immeasurable grandeur'. He was baffled by the failure of other men to recognize his qualities: 'Why does nobody love me? I am not a fool, not deformed, not a bad man, not an ignoramus. It is incomprehensible.'</p>
<p>Tolstoy believed himself to be very highly sexed. Diary entries record: 'Must have a woman. Sensuality gives me not a moment's peace.' 'Terrible lust amounting to a physical illness.' At the end of his life he told <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aylmer_and_Louise_Maude">his biographer Aylmer Maude</a> that, so strong were his urges, he was unable to dispense with sex until he was eighty-one. In youth he was extremely shy with women and so resorted to brothels, which disgusted him and brought the usual consequences.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-float-left ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/87516333316534954633.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268421833135" alt="" width="345" height="420" /></span></span></p>
<p>One of his earliest diary entries in March 1847 notes he is being treated for 'gonorrhoea, obtained from the customary source'. He records another bout in 1852 in a letter to his brother Nikolai: 'The venereal sickness is cured but the after-effects of the mercury have caused me untold suffering.' But he continued to patronize whores, varied by gypsies, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cossack">Cossack and native girls</a>, and Russian peasant girls when available. The tone in his diary entries is invariably self-disgust blended with hatred for the temptress : 'something pink... I opened the back door. She came in. Now I can't bear to look at her. Repulsive, vile, hateful, causing me to break my rules.' 'Girls have led me astray.'</p>
<p>The following day he made good resolution but 'the wenches prevent me.' An entry for April 1856 records, after a visit to a brothel: 'Horrible, but absolutely the last time.'</p>
<p>Another 1856 entry: 'Disgusting. Girls. Stupid music, girls, heat, cigarette smoke, girls, girls, girls.' Turgenev, whose house he was then using like a hotel, gives another glimpse of Tolstoy in 1856: 'Drinking bouts, gypsies, cards all night long, and then sleeps like the dead until two in the afternoon.' When Tolstoy was in the country, especially on his own estate, he took his pick of the prettier serf-girls. These occasionally excited more than simple lust on his part. He wrote later <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yasnaya_Polyana">of Yasnaya Polyana</a>, I remember the nights I spent there, and Dunyasha's beauty and youth... her strong, womanly body.'</p>
<p><span class="full-image-float-right ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/19698295445674452987.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268422033608" alt="" width="373" height="343" /></span></span>One of Tolstoy's motives in travelling in Europe in 1856 was to escape what he saw as the temptations of an attractive serf-girl. His father, as he knew, had had such an affair, and the girl had given birth to a son, who was simply treated as a male estate serf, being employed in the stables (he became a coachman). But Tolstoy, after his return, could not keep his hands off the women, especially a married one called Aksinya. His diary for May 1858 records: 'Today, in the big old wood. I'm a fool, a brute. Her bronze flesh and her eyes. I'm in love as never before in my life. Have no other thought.' The girl was 'clean and not bad-looking, with bright black eyes, a deep voice, a scent of something fresh and strong and full breasts that lifted the bib of her apron.'</p>
<p>Probably in July 1859, Aksinya gave birth to a son, called Timofei Bazykin. Tolstoy brought her into the house as a domestic and allowed the little boy to play at her heels for a time. But, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helene_Demuth">like Marx</a> and Ibsen, and like his own father, he never acknowledged the child was his, or paid the slightest attention to him. What is even more remarkable is that, at a time when he was publicly preaching the absolute necessity to educate the peasants, and indeed ran schools for their children on his estate, he made no effort to ensure that his own illegitimate son even learned how to read and write. Possibly he feared later claims. He seems to have been pitiless in dismissing the rights of illegitimate offspring.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/LeoTolstoy.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268420994808" alt="" /></span></span></p>
<p>Tolstoy knew he was doing wrong in resorting to prostitutes and seducing peasant women. He blamed himself for these offenses. But he tended to blame the women still more. They were all <a href="http://molls.tumblr.com">Eve the Temptress</a> to him. Indeed it is probably not too much to say that despite the fact that he needed women physically all his life and used them - or perhaps because of this - he distrusted, disliked and even hated them.</p>
<p>In some ways he found the manifestation of their sexuality repulsive. He remarked at the end of his life, 'the sight of a woman with her breasts bared was always disgusting to me, even in my youth.' Tolstoy was by nature censorious, even puritanical. If his own sexuality upset him, its manifestations in others brought out his strongest disapproval. In Paris in 1857, at a timewhen his own philandering was surging in full spate, he noted: 'At the furnished lodgings where I stayed, there were thirty-six menages, of which nineteen were irregular. That disgusted me terribly.'</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/56613147242210527794.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268494539315" alt="" width="532" height="375" /></span><span class="thumbnail-caption" style="width: 766px;">playing tennis with some friendsies</span></span>Sexual sin was evil, and women were the source of it. On 16 June 1847, when he was nineteen, he wrote: 'Now I shall set myself the following rule. Regard the company of women as an unavoidable social evil and keep away from them as much as possible. Who indeed is the cause of sensuality, indulgence, frivolity and all sorts of other vices in us, if not women? Who is to blame for the loss of our natural qualities of courage, steadfastness, reasonableness, fairness, etc if not women?' The really depressing thing about Tolstoy is that he retained these childish, in some respects Oriental, views of women right to the end of his life.</p>
<p>In contrast to his efforts to portray <em>Anna Karenina</em>, he never seems to have made any serious attempt in real life to penetrate and understand the mind of a woman. Indeed he would not admit that a woman could be a serious, adult, moral human being.</p>
<p>He wrote in 1898, when he was seventy: '[Woman] is generally stupid, but the Devil lends her brains when she works for him. Then she accomplishes miracles of thinking, farsightedness, constancy, in order to do something nasty.' Or again: 'It is impossible to demand of a woman that she evaluate the feelings of her exclusive love on the basis of moral feeling. She cannot do it, because she does not possess real moral feeling, i.e. one that stands higher than everything.'</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i39.tinypic.com/10nsrut.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268421750699" alt="" width="525" height="378" /></span></span></p>
<p>His choice finally fell, when he was thirty-four, on <a href="http://www.blackpoolgrand.co.uk/shows/1/297/Tolstoy-s-Wife.htm">an eighteen-year-old doctor's daughter, Sonya Behrs</a>. He was no great catch: not rich,a known gambler, in trouble with the authorities for insulting the local magistrate. He had described himself, some years before, as possessing 'the most ordinary coarse and ugly features... small grey eyes, more stupid than intelligent... the face of a peasant, and a peasant's large hands and feet'. Moreover, he hated dentists and would not visit them, and by 1862 he had lost nearly all his teeth. But she was a plain, immature girl, only five feet high and competing with her two sisters; she was glad to get him. He proposed formally by letter, then seems to have had doubts until the last minute.</p>
<p>The actual wedding was a premonition of disaster. On the morning he burst into her apartment, insisting: 'I have come to say that there is still time... all this business can still be put a stop to.' She burst into tears. Tolstoy was an hour late for the ceremony itself, having packed all his shirts. She cried again. Afterwards they had supper and she changed, and they climbed into a traveling carriage called a dormeuse, pulled by six horses. She cried again. Tolstoy, an orphan, could not understand this and shouted: 'If leaving your family means such great sorrow to you, you cannot love me very much.' In the dormeuse he began to paw her and she pushed him away.</p>
<p>They had a suite at a hotel, the Birulevo. Her hands trembled as she poured him tea from the samovar. He tried to paw her again, and was again repulsed. Tolstoy's diary relentlessly recorded: 'She is weepy. In the carriage. She knows everything and it is simple. But she is afraid.' He thought her 'morbid'. Later still, having finally made love to her, and she having (as he thought) responded, he added: 'Incredible happiness. I can't believe this can last as long as life.' Of course it did not. Even the most submissive wife would have found marriage to such a colossal egotist hard to bear.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/chehov_06.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268421182621" alt="" width="529" height="360" /></span><span class="thumbnail-caption" style="width: 530px;">tolstoy w/ anton chekhov</span></span>Sonya had sufficient brains and spirit to resist his all-crushing will, at least from time to time. So they produced one of the worst (<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Love-Hatred-Troubled-Marriage-Tolstoy/dp/0671881620">and best recorded</a>) marriages in history. Tolstoy opened it with a disastrous error of judgment. It is one of the characteristics of the intellectual to believe that secrets, especially in sexual matters, are harmful. Everything should be 'open'. The lid must be lifted on every Pandora's box. Husband and wife must tell each other 'everything'. Therein lies much needless misery. Tolstoy began his policy of glasnost by insisting that his wife read his diaries, which he had now been keeping for fifteen years. She was appalled to find - the diaries were then in totally uncensored form- that they contained details of all his sex life, including visits to brothels and copulations with whores, gypsies, native women, his own serfs and, not least, even her mother's friends. Her first response was : 'Take those dreadful books back - why did you give them to me?'</p>
<p>Later she told him: 'Yes, I have forgiven you. But it is dreadful.' These remarks are taken from her own diary, which she had been keeping since the age of eleven. It was part of Tolstoy's 'open' policy that each should keep diaries and each should have access to the other's - a sure formula for mutual suspicion and misery. The physical side of the Tolstoy marriage probably never recovered from Sonya's initial shock at learning her husband was (as she saw it) a sexual monster. Moreover, she read his diaries in ways which Tolstoy had not anticipated, noting faults he had been careful (as he thought) to conceal.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/07025518595765098105.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268421709228" alt="" width="531" height="265" /></span></span></p>
<p>She spotted, for instance, that he had failed to repay debts contracted as a result of his gambling. She observed, too, that he failed to tell women with whom he had sex that he had contracted venereal disease and might still have it. The selfishness and egotism the diaries so plainly convey to the perceptive reader - and who more perceptive than a wife? - were more apparent to her than to the author. Moreover, the Tolstoyan sex life so vividly described in his diaries was now inextricably mingled in her mind with the horrors of submitting to his demands and their ultimate consequence in painful and repeated pregnancies.</p>
<p>She endured a dozen in twenty-two years; in quick succession she lost her child Petya, while pregnant with Nikolai, who in turn died the same year he was born; Vavara was born prematurely and died immediately. Tolstoy himself did not help with the business of childbearing by taking an intimate though insensitive interest in all its details. He insisted on attending the birth of his son, Sergei (later using it <a href="http://74.125.93.132/search?q=cache%3A_qvT1wNQbLgJ%3Awww.pitt.edu%2F~slavic%2Fsisc%2FSISC2%2Fmakoveeva.pdf+the+birth+sergei+anna+karenina&amp;hl=en&amp;gl=us">for a scene</a> in <em>Anna Karenina</em>), and broke into a frightening rage when Sonya was unable to breast-feed the baby.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/46366521066093741905.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268421961260" alt="" width="530" height="522" /></span></span></p>
<p>As the pregnancies and miscarriages proceeded, and his wife's distaste for his sexual demands became manifest, he wrote to a friend: 'There is no worse situation for a healthy man than to have a sick wife.' Early in the marriage he ceased to love her; her tragedy was that her residual love for him remained. At this time she confided in her diary: 'I have nothing in me but this humiliating love and a bad temper, and these two things have been the cause of all my misfortunes, for my temper has always interfered with my love. I want nothing but his love and sympathy but he won't give it to me, and all my pride is trampled in the mud. I am nothing but a miserable crushed worm, whom no one wants, whom no one loves, a useless creature with morning sickness and a big belly.'</p>
<p><span class="full-image-float-right ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/54270897660642750393.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268421677660" alt="" width="373" height="306" /></span></span></p>
<p>Take the famous sentence from Anna Karenina: 'All happy families are alike, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.' The moment one begins to search one's own observed experience, it becomes clear that both parts of this statement are debatable. If anything, the reverse is closer to the truth. There are obvious, recurrent patterns in unhappy families - where, for instance, the husband is a drunk or a gambler, where the wife is incompetent, adulterous, and so forth; the stigmata of family unhappiness are drearily familiar and repetitive. On the other hand, there are happy families of every kind. Tolstoy had not thought about the subject seriously, and above all honestly, because he could not bring himself to think seriously and honestly about women: he turned from the subject in fear, rage and disgust. The moral failure of Tolstoy's marriage, and his intellectual failure to do justice to half the human race, were closely linked.</p>
<p><em>Paul Johnson is the world's greatest living historian. He is the author of </em>Intellectuals<em>, from which this excerpt is taken. You can purchase that volume <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Intellectuals-Paul-M-Johnson/dp/0060916575">here</a>.<br /></em></p>
<p><em><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/74760296425929963227.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268422320794" alt="" width="527" height="804" /></span><span class="thumbnail-caption" style="width: 491px;">LT's grave</span></span></em>"Fading Youth" - Ekca Liena (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/mmmy1noj0jy/06-Ekca Liena-Fading Youth 2.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"Past" - Ekca Liena (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/ztridkxnmmz/03-Ekca Liena-Past.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"Cloud Movements" - Ekca Liena (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/uwyzmj1hway/02-Ekca%20Liena-Cloud%20Movements.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/color_lnt.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268422307100" alt="" /></span></span>&nbsp;</p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>In Which We Look Out For That Next Step</title><category term="AMERICA"/><category term="alex carnevale"/><category term="narcotics anonymous"/><id>http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/12/in-which-we-look-out-for-that-next-step.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/12/in-which-we-look-out-for-that-next-step.html"/><author><name>Alex</name></author><published>2010-03-12T17:22:26Z</published><updated>2010-03-12T17:22:26Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i46.tinypic.com/sazf43.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267034614294" alt="" width="530" height="515" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 250%;">The Urge to Rehab</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">by ALEX CARNEVALE</span></p>
<p><span>In 1929 Congress appropriated the first funds that allowed for federal treatment of addicts. The U.S. Public Health Service Hospitals in Lexington, Kentucky and Fort Worth, Texas began treating addicts in the late thirties, although they were essentially prison hospitals from the first. When we compare <a href="http://www.showbizspy.com/article/199727/tiger-woods-treated-sex-rehab-like-a-joke.html">the ball-licking treatment</a> Tiger Woods receives for his sex addiction to the treatment the first national addicts faced, the difference is rather jarring. Tiger has a dedicated testicle-moistener who operates twice daily (even on weekends!); addicts of the 1930s had to milk cows, or work at the local cannery to justify the cost of incarceration. Back then, there wasn't really such thing as a free ride.</span></p>
<p>Addicts were routinely hassled by the government; there was no legitimate way to recover from the problems of drug addiction. By 1939, the Christian movement <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxford_Group">The Oxford Group</a> had given rise to Alcoholics Anonymous, and the organization published <em>The Big Book</em>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Book_%28Alcoholics_Anonymous%29">the foundational text of AA</a>. The rise of AA was a huge inspiration for the eventual formation of Narcotics Anonymous.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-float-left ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i47.tinypic.com/1ywd3m.jpg?&amp;__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268410589037" alt="" /></span><span class="thumbnail-caption" style="width: 347px;">jimmy kinnon's notebook and other materials</span></span></p>
<p>A recovering alcoholic named Houston S received a job transfer to Kentucky in 1947. He had helped a man get sober who found himself unable to kick a concurrent morphine habit, and had seen the face of addiction to narcotics firsthand. Once in Kentucky, Houston suggested the AA model could work for addicts as well. The Narco Group began at the Federal Narcotics Farm in Lexington Kentucky around this time. One of the patients in that program, Danny Carlsen, would spread the first iteration of NA to the New York prison in the late forties.</p>
<p>Writing something down where it can be seen by others and verified (or not) has always been a critical part of recovery lore. The addict can't deny what his habit has wrought once he sees it in print. The initial thirteenth step of NA pleaded, "God help me."</p>
<p>Narcotics Anonymous would evolve beyond being a social service organization for victims of drug addiction once it was born-again in southern California over the next decade. <em>The Brown Booklet</em> was the first real piece of NA literature, and it reads wonderfully well even today, with none of the officiousness or preaching that addicts would come to expect from those attempting to change their lives. The organization struggled through the fifties before entering a real renaissance in the 1960s. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Kinnon">Jimmy Kinnon</a>, who arrived at Ellis Island from Scotland in 1923, was responsible for much of both the early NA writing, the NA logo, and the formation of the society as we now know it.</p>
<p>Because it has been extraordinarily successful, the basic outline and information provided by Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous has changed little over the years. Even the pamphlets <a href="http://www.na.org/?ID=ips-an-an-IP22">look largely the same</a>. There was an episode of <em>Seinfeld </em>where George convinced his girlfriend that toilet paper hadn't changed in 500 years; this is roughly true of addiction literature, which exists as a cipher through which the addict himself must find a place.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i45.tinypic.com/24pc2rt.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268414840850" alt="" width="530" height="548" /></span><span class="thumbnail-caption" style="width: 618px;">jimmy k's origination text for what would become NA</span></span>Yet the literature itself remains a weird reshaping of codes of behavior. Each of us, unless we were dropped on our head as a child, has a basic moral code we live by. It is impossible to know, Venn-diagram style, where this intersects with the morality of others, so NA literature <a href="http://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&amp;q=cache:kK7mf5EfGvwJ:www.nanj.org/newsletters/sanity/sanity_200809.pdf+%22The+Narco+Group%22&amp;hl=en&amp;gl=us&amp;pid=bl&amp;srcid=ADGEESgbD8SWGQxkWn-lv5kV7D4TMsuQ9gxbn-_5r7b4sGpoLmyCdTxMcdyNBqTv823oVWxKS4OLQCnn39KzhPqybTD1zl85CFEQJzENszONTMO62fnMbiHZd-ZLDlg-h8NxlJXnay1i&amp;sig=AHIEtbRSKjw6dkqH4TXKbOHAfQ_W0bB5iA">explains the basic principles of life</a> for addicts. It is a little shocking to see the world spelled out this way, but this is usually necessary for people prone to abusing themselves and/or others.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/6a00d8341c7f9053ef00e54f74b9078834-640wi.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268412910762" alt="" width="530" height="351" /></span><span class="thumbnail-caption" style="width: 530px;">drug victims (probably)</span></span>The presence of God - moreso in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholics_Anonymous">Alcoholics Anonymous</a>, which also features deep sociological and psychological underpinnings - never leaves the literature or the people who preach it. There is no way to recover from anything without believing someone is watching you, whether it be some omnipotent being or your family and friends. Otherwise, you are accountable to no one, and the use of drugs retains its otherwordly flair. This is another interesting idea that on its face seems immoral to me, since it is based on a lie.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/naked_lunch-14.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268412784386" alt="" /></span></span></p>
<p>NA tries to go a bit easier on God than its hard-drinking brother-in-law. For those who have difficulty accepting their savior Jesus Christ, members are allowed to substitute the term "higher power" or read God as an acronym for "Good Orderly Direction." Members are not permitted to roll their eyes or make jokes about this aspect of their recovery.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/NALogoSunburst23.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268410870470" alt="" /></span></span></p>
<p>Unlike AA, there is something unprepossessing about Narcotics Anonymous. It is probably related to the disease being recovered from. For those addicted to alcohol, there is always a happy return to use, and the poison itself is available on every street and every corner. Eternal temptation is eternal viligance. Harder drugs rarely offer a happy return, or a positive ending, beyond the thrill of the initial high. As such, addicts usually need to be very real with themselves in order to confront their disease.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/6a00d83452192b69e200e54f9018e58833-800wi.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268413062228" alt="" /></span></span></p>
<p>What is most amazing about these programs is that they are effective at all. Tiger Woods' experience, and <a href="http://www.wfan.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&amp;audioId=4428926">Steve Philips' experience</a>, indicate there is a future full of things we can be addicted to, and treated for. We now view alcoholism as a disease; there is ample proof that it is, but the most striking reason is that we seem to believe it wholeheartedly, and it is best for us to feel this way.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i47.tinypic.com/142ap7q.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267994872715" alt="" width="523" height="772" /></span></p>
<p>In the old days, it was not easy to become addicted to sex. The overstimulation of the internet celebrates our best senses, elaborates on our finest indiscretions. People are addicted to the internet and they will probably not require recovery. The internet is the solution more than the problem, but it is still a fairly big problem. I don't really know how rehabilitation works - I usually believe it doesn't work, and that's why these organizations that profess eternal viligance are so popular and effective. How did Michael Vick stop believing that betting on staged dogfights wasn't a fun activity on a Saturday afternoon? About the same time <a href="http://www.afro.com/?p=955">he received the Ed Block Courage Award</a>?</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i39.tinypic.com/2qle5xu.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268412848383" alt="" width="530" height="438" /></span></span></p>
<p>There is also something distinctly American about recovery, and to separate it from a Christian impulse would be to sever the head at the neck. There are worse countries to live in <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2010/03/12/2010-03-12_federal_appeals_court_upholds_use_of_word_god_in_pledge_of_allegiance_on_us_curr.html">than a Christian one</a>. Whether is it good to become a compassionate country, as George W. Bush basically put it, or whether it is better to tolerate less capriciousness from our fellow man is an open question. The degrading conditions of the first American addicts make a strong argument we are improving as a society. I don't know if it's sad or what that this is as good as we've ever been.</p>
<p><em>Alex Carnevale is the editor of This Recording. He twitters <a href="http://twitter.com/alexcarnevale">here</a> and tumbls <a href="http://thisrecording.tumblr.com">here</a>.</em></p>
<p><em><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/nakedlunch3.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268412680319" alt="" width="530" height="299" /></span></span></em></p>
<p>"See If They Salute" - The Streets (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/tzhk4zzzubu/05 - The Streets - See If They Salute.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"Lovelight of My Life" - The Streets (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/zyzhzxjfmje/09 - The Streets - Lovelight Of My Life.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"David Hassles" - The Streets (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/egqgymyggmg/03 - The Streets - David Hassles.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p><em><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/skinnermike_ep1.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268413512636" alt="" /></span></span><br /></em></p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>In Which We Isolate Pleasurable Elements Of Modern Popular Songs</title><category term="MUSIC"/><category term="molly lambert"/><category term="music"/><category term="videos"/><category term="youtube"/><id>http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/11/in-which-we-isolate-pleasurable-elements-of-modern-popular-s.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/11/in-which-we-isolate-pleasurable-elements-of-modern-popular-s.html"/><author><name>Molly</name></author><published>2010-03-11T14:39:51Z</published><updated>2010-03-11T14:39:51Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSD4vsh1zDA"><img style="width: 520px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/4424160927_b178a9cdd6_o.png?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268316367108" alt="" /></a></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 200%;">Favorite Rap/R&amp;B&nbsp;Background&nbsp;Ad Libs 2010</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">by MOLLY LAMBERT</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;"><strong>Best Of '09:</strong> <a style="font-size: 120%;" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSD4vsh1zDA">"L'CHAIM"</a> - Fergie of The Black Eyed Peas</span>, <span style="font-size: 120%;">"I Gotta Feeling"</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;">click on the screen caps for links to the youtube videos they originate from</span></p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcKG4EJ6rsQ"><img src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/4424664796_b3f766c575_o.png?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268317443870" alt="" /></a></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 110%;"><strong><span style="font-size: 120%;">10.</span></strong><span style="font-size: 120%;">&nbsp;<a style="font-size: 120%;" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcKG4EJ6rsQ">"Beckay"</a> - Plies, </span><span style="font-size: 120%;">"Becky"</span></span></p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HY9uZWCh4go"><img src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/4424705082_6487c335fa_o.png?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268306200978" alt="" /></a></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;"><strong><span style="font-size: 120%;">9.</span></strong><span style="font-size: 80%;"><span style="font-size: 120%;"> <a style="font-size: 120%;" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HY9uZWCh4go">"all day"</a> - California Swag District,</span><span style="font-size: 120%;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 120%;">"Teach Me How To Dougie"</span><span style="font-size: 120%;">&nbsp;</span></p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDl0Oj5a-R8"><img style="width: 520px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/4423976591_7265917831_o.png?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268307259118" alt="" /></a></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;"><strong>8.</strong> <a style="font-size: 120%;" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDl0Oj5a-R8">"Waka. Flocka. Flame."</a> - Waka Flocka Flame, </span><span style="font-size: 120%;">"O Let's Do It"</span></p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzcua6Q4ep8"><img src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/4424732108_af07f7c6e5_o.png?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268306816966" alt="" /></a></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;"><strong>7.</strong> <a style="font-size: 120%;" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzcua6Q4ep8">"C.J.!"</a> - Birdman, </span><span style="font-size: 120%;">"4 My Town"</span></p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8s2_QLjF2Vs"><img src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/4423991889_2d63b26902_o.png?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268308821280" alt="" /></a></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;"><strong>6.</strong> <a style="font-size: 120%;" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8s2_QLjF2Vs">"heeeeeeee wah wah"</a> - Robin Thicke, <span style="font-size: 120%;">"</span></span><span style="font-size: 120%;">Sex Therapy"</span></p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqHliQijgvA"><img style="width: 520px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/4373941675_bb7f8e7703_o.png?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268308890129" alt="" /></a></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;"><strong>5.</strong> <a style="font-size: 120%;" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqHliQijgvA">"yurrrrrrrzzzzz"</a> - Ludacris, </span><span style="font-size: 120%;">"My Chick Bad"</span></p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRETz7pPPOk"><img style="width: 520px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/4424678768_c42ba1314f_o.png?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268306095715" alt="" /></a></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;"><strong>4.</strong> <a style="font-size: 120%;" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRETz7pPPOk">"Bamaaaaaaaaa"</a> - Yelawolf, </span><span style="font-size: 120%;">"Box Chevy Pt. 2"</span></p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgQssuE90CA"><img style="width: 520px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/4424041541_5051fb8243_o.png?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268310656703" alt="" /></a></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;"><strong>3.</strong> <a style="font-size: 120%;" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgQssuE90CA">"big ol'"</a> - Usher, </span><span style="font-size: 120%;">"Little Freak"</span></p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UjsXo9l6I8"><img style="width: 520px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/4424064455_11c3ee78a3_o.png?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268313764549" alt="" /></a></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;"><strong>2.</strong> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UjsXo9l6I8"><span style="font-size: 120%;">"YOO! NOO!"</span></a><span style="font-size: 120%;"> </span>- Jay-Z, "Empire State Of Mind"&nbsp;(this part's still in my head)</span></p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6Q4s_ZdvAQ"><img style="width: 520px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/4424865380_ec1131f51e_o.png?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268313537704" alt="" /></a></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;"><strong>1.</strong> <a style="font-size: 120%;" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6Q4s_ZdvAQ">"LEMON!"</a> - Gucci Mane,<span style="font-size: 120%;">&nbsp;</span>"Lemonade"</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;"><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lN-pk8sHph0"><img style="width: 520px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/4424161395_09eed60492_o.png?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268317776372" alt="" /></a></span></span></p>
<p><span ><em>Molly Lambert is the managing editor of This Recording. She tumbls <a href="http://mollylambert.tumblr.com">here</a> and twitters <a href="http://twitter.com/thisrecording">here</a>.</em></span></p>
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<a href="http://twitter.com/home?source=thisrecording&status="Francis Bacon - This Recording" - http://tinyurl.com/cv8euu><img src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/social-icons/TR_twitter.png" alt="twitter" title="twitter this recording"/></a>

<a href="http://feeds2.feedburner.com/RecentlyOnThisRecording"><img src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/social-icons/TR_subscribe.png" alt="subscribe" title="subscribe to this recording"/></a></p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>In Which Those Schoolgirl Days of Telling Tales And Biting Nails Are Gone</title><category term="American Idol"/><category term="Lost"/><category term="TV"/><category term="dick cheney"/><id>http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/10/in-which-those-schoolgirl-days-of-telling-tales-and-biting-n.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/10/in-which-those-schoolgirl-days-of-telling-tales-and-biting-n.html"/><author><name>Alex</name></author><published>2010-03-10T17:15:02Z</published><updated>2010-03-10T17:15:02Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i43.tinypic.com/jq0o4n.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268237620416" alt="" width="528" height="359" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 250%;">To Lost With Love</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">by DICK CHENEY</span></p>
<p>My career has been one of soothsayer and mystic as much as gun-toting maniac and sexual icon. On two separate occasions I have "<a href="http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhbV57lN9PHw0X4w6X">smashed up a homie</a>" of my wife Lynne, both times the resulting indiscretion helped elect a burgeoning political candidate I nurtured like one of GWB's hangovers. While I kiss the toe of another, my own toe is extended for the lips of others. There is no such thing as a woman behind a man, it is usually another, balder man.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/30871164497247976630.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268238899359" alt="" width="530" height="292" /></span> <br /> I even taught high school history, although I wasn't anywhere near the pedantic psycho that Ben Linus was. Like me, Linus cultivated talent. We all need a life coach. Linus' mentor was Jacob, who carried a redemptive hope for the guy in his heart. I recruited political proteges; I was also a cagey hand at spotting an up-and-coming blogger. I was the one who told Andrew Sullivan to go with <a href="http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2007/09/the-wedding-pic.html">the whole flaming bear thing</a>. That was me.&nbsp;</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/lostpedia/images/1/1b/Benandalexs06e07.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268240778588" alt="" width="529" height="298" /></span><span class="thumbnail-caption" style="width: 800px;">you've never read kathryn harrison? really? you'll like her!</span></span>Ben used information from a student to blackmail the principal, and somehow was the heroic protagonist of last night's <em>Lost</em>. I worry this teaches the wrong lesson to kids, particularly hot kids. The school principal didn't really do anything technically wrong - yes, he did bang the school nurse in front of a student, but (1) it was a hot student and (2) Bill Clinton is still revered in this country and he did roughly the same thing, except in front of the whole world. How we expect to feel sympathetic for a blackmailer with a heart of gold is beyond me, but it is an encouraging precedent for the inevitable prosecution I'll face in the coming years.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/o-sir.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268239523053" alt="" /><span class="thumbnail-caption" style="width: 530px;">we got you some white face paint. hope it helps, sir.</span></span>Simon Cowell and the new Ben Linus overall have a lot in common. Their favorite movie is <em>To Sir With Love</em> and they both ask to be addressed by their honorifics. "It's Dr. Linus," Ben snivels to Principal Reynolds, who committed that cardinal sin of making him supervise detention instead of allowing Ben to fondle his own daughter in "history club." In this episode, the show's writers simply get Linus wrong. It is no fun to see the weak Linus. The strong Linus was a bad man, a tasty villain on a show that needed the right antagonist.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/20417429638739341238.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268238847189" alt="" width="528" height="291" /></span></p>
<p>Above all, Linus is resourceful. We respect a well-thought out plan, and parallel Linus was putty in the weird sexual relationship he had with his alternate universe daughter. I don't know what was creepier, the fact that Alex Rousseau was flirting with her dad, or the disturbing acknowledgement that the 21-year old Tania Raymonde <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1207449/Jeff-Goldblums-new-girlfriend-Lost-star-Alex-whos-35-years-junior.html">dates old-enough-to-be-her-father Jeff Goldblum in real life</a>. He is the only person to ever get laid from a role on a <em>Law &amp; Order </em>spinoff.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i39.tinypic.com/acsv3s.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268244972338" alt="" width="529" height="442" /></span><span class="thumbnail-caption" style="width: 518px;">there's nothing like a May 1979 to December 2054 romance</span></span>Simon Cowell also has a somewhat unorthodox relationship with the younger women on his show. He's incredibly sparing with praise with the mass of female contestants, but then he picks out his pet favorite and showers her with compliments and gifts that reek of insincerity, like telling her he liked her Tracy Chapman cover and that "dreads look super-great on a white girl."</p>
<p><object width="530" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/v3Ehe03DEn8&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/v3Ehe03DEn8&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="530" height="340"></embed></object><br /> <br />Simon's pet this season is the innovatively named Crystal Hornblower. Her day job is as a character in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_O%27Brian">a Patrick O'Brian book</a>. Her boyfriend's penis is shaped like a question mark. Her tattoo is of a rooster pleading for his life. She smells of rosemary, menthol cigarettes, and chiante. Her astrological sign is Virgo.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/450277075_f767ef15d6.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268238481209" alt="" /></span></p>
<p><em>if she doesn't sing Feist next week, I will be the most surprised man in the world</em></p>
<p>None of the men on <em>American Idol</em> are showing anywhere near this kind of potential (although every single male contestant at least makes my dick harder than Kris Allen ever did). Simon usually latches onto an artist like Crystal Hornblower when he wants the audience to support another candidate with more star potential. If you don't see <a href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/3/in-which-we-always-pick-the-wrong-woman.html">the metaphorical connection to <em>Lost</em></a>, you obviously don't read This Recording very often.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/00055992673394070507.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268240073414" alt="" width="530" height="397" /></span></p>
<p><em>the odds that she ends up dating Robert Pattinson are almost insurmountable</em></p>
<p>Simon's secret crush is on Cape Cod's own Siobhan Magnus. Weirdly, that's what I named my dick in third grade. Siobhan looks like the kind of girl who thinks owning <em>Blood on the Tracks</em> on vinyl isn't a tremendous fucking cliche. Like Alex Rousseau, she was intended for an Ivy League university before a love of singing (history) took over her life (<em>Lost</em> parallel universe). Unlike Alex Rousseau, her grasp of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dutch_East_India_Company">the particulars of the Dutch East India Compan</a>y is slim at best - she's been singing her whole life. To be fair, her high note at the end of Aretha Franklin's "Think" made me burst out in hives, but like, good hives.</p>
<p><object width="525" height="374"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/VV0tDKjdyRA&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/VV0tDKjdyRA&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="525" height="374"></embed></object></p>
<p>What short memories we have. We forget that Steve Martin's been making the exact same jokes for the past thirty years, and we forget Benjamin Linus actually saved <em>Lost</em> at one point. I mean, the guy showed up to the Losties' camp one day, pretended he got to the island by a weather balloon, and called himself Henry Gale. Sure he could have gone with a lie that could never be verified as such, but lying without regard for consequences is generally Linus' modus operandi. Sidney Poitier would not approve, but then <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sydney_Tamiia_Poitier">he named his daughter Sydney</a>, so do we give a flying fuck what he thinks?</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/53858912884755367555.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268238663191" alt="" width="533" height="294" /></span></p>
<p>The old Linus' enterprising tactics and mysterious background turned <em>Lost </em>from <em>The View</em> hosted by Matthew Fox into a badass struggle for survival against a maniacal sociopath whose team of Others could move silently through the jungle and form a book club at a moment's notice.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i43.tinypic.com/2vnrklz.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268237910097" alt="" width="530" height="298" /></span> <br /> The new Linus teaches at the only all-white school in America, the only educational institution where it is appropriate for your hot daughter-protege to show up at your house at dinner and request extra study time. It's hard to be a high school teacher, and most in the profession aren't blessed with the considerable stress relief that dude got from <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/10/jersey-shore-girl-punched_n_388203.html">punching Snooki in the face</a>.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/97144676944706478856.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268238697552" alt="" width="530" height="292" /></span><br /> Then again, it was Ben Linus himself who taught us that violence against women was another, different kind of violence. Linus was an equal opportunity sociopath, the kind of guy who didn't evac the women and children before <a href="http://lostpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Benjamin_Linus">gassing the Dharma Initiative</a>. It's fun to see him batting around what could have been with dear old dad: "Son, I wonder what you could have become if we stayed on that island." "Dad, I would have gassed them all, and you. Now you know. I also wouldn't be having a weird flirtation with my own daughter. Now eat your cheerios, and let's watch Hoarders so we can feel better about being alive."</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/22669540485650004362.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268239274351" alt="" width="527" height="291" /></span></p>
<p>Linus represented the triumph of individual industriousness over physical dominance. His second-in-command represented the victory of suave good looks over television sense-making. The immortal Richard's bright plan to kill himself required an hour long walk, two implicated associates, and a dependence on ancient, unstable dynamite. You had 300 years to orchestrate your own death, and this is what you're going with?</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/lostpedia/images/thumb/3/3b/6x07_Richard_Hurley.jpg/800px-6x07_Richard_Hurley.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268240119977" alt="" width="531" height="279" /></span></p>
<p>That's about as effective an approach as the time Ari Fleischer tried to end it by maiming his arms with a thousand paper cuts from a particularly sharp issue of <em>Commentary</em>. <em>Los</em>t has been promising to reveal why Richard never ages for many seasons, and when they finally do, their answer is "because Jacob touched me." This does explain why Ilana is <a href="http://lostpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Ilana">so devoted to the idea of Jacob</a> - no one makes her come the way he makes her come.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"> </span><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/49217029313062113384.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268239428157" alt="" width="520" height="345" /></span></p>
<p><a href="http://lostpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Charles_Widmore">The return of Chaz Widmore</a> comes not a moment too soon. Can we perhaps also intuit that he comes from the <em>Lost </em>parallel universe? We had no indication that the old Widmore could pilot a Prius, let alone a sub. More to the point, he wasn't able to - he spent most of the previous seasons unable to find the island, and now he just strolls up in a sub and doesn't want to kill Ben Linus? This is a different Widmore than we're used to.</p>
<p><span class="ssNonEditable full-image-block"><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/83851094417313278320.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268239401226" alt="" width="528" height="291" /></span></p>
<p><em>Lost </em>has gotten softer than Ellen DeGeneres' gorgeous blue eyes. Sayid <a href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/3/in-which-we-always-pick-the-wrong-woman.html">going bad last week</a> was a good start, but he commits murders all the time. Killing off some regulars would be a good start; maybe they can bring back Dominic Monaghan and kill him again. His presence on the set would at least inspire Evangeline Lilly to emote a little. Kill off Jin, I can't understand half of what the guy says anyway. Murder Lapidus - the guy spends half his screen time dropping "did you knows" <a href="http://lostpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Dr._Linus">from Lostpedia</a>. Just kill someone before I start watching <em>Parenthood</em> every Tuesday and spending hours on end weeping for what they've done to Lorelai Gilmour.</p>
<p><em>Dick Cheney is the senior contributor to This Recording. You can find his previous recaps of Lost <a href="http://thisrecording.com/today/tag/dick-cheney">here</a>.</em></p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/csdfdsfdsfdsfs?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268239144657" alt="" /></span></p>
<p>"Found Out" - Caribou (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/0zywwmq2znm/04-caribou-found_out.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"Leave House" - Caribou (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/dumdmm2ztyn/06-caribou-leave_house.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"Sun" - Caribou (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/yjuh4tnozzq/02-caribou-sun.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i48.tinypic.com/291e5fm.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268237408396" alt="" width="525" height="520" /></span></p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>In Which This Is How I Know Him</title><category term="THE PAST"/><category term="tyler coates"/><id>http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/9/in-which-this-is-how-i-know-him.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/9/in-which-this-is-how-i-know-him.html"/><author><name>Alex</name></author><published>2010-03-09T16:22:14Z</published><updated>2010-03-09T16:22:14Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3040/2747441455_09c56415e5.jpg?v=1218487513" alt="" width="531" height="354" /><strong></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 250%;">Pictures of My Father</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">by TYLER COATES</span></p>
<p>The first real memory I have of my father is, like most of my "first memories," actually something that was captured on video when I was about three years old. My father came home on his lunch break, and he walked into the house to find me screaming at my grandmother. Instead of calming me down or telling me to shut up, he instead took the opportunity to capture the moment on home video. So somewhere in my parents' house there's a VHS tape with clips of me stomping around my living room and screaming, "Day-day," which was what I called him until I was about five years old.  I think that perfectly introduces the relationship I had with my dad. I always joked that my mother was The Boss. At a very young age I understood that she was the breadwinner; she worked for the Navy as a computer scientist, whereas my father was dispatched around my rural Virginia area from the local Coca-Cola bottling plant fixing drink machines and fountain units.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/29/49261500_e9bb55390c.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="526" height="375" /> <em><a href="http://www.realgingerale.com/dispatch?flash=y"></a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="http://www.realgingerale.com/dispatch?flash=y">Northern Neck Bottling Company</a>, Montross, Virginia</em></p>
<p>There was never a strong conflict between my parents because of their uneven salaries. I didn't know how much they made until they co-signed on my first apartment out of college. When I say that my mother was The Boss, I mean it in the sense that she was the disciplinarian. She had a temper and very little patience for misbehavior, while my father, on the other hand, sometimes encouraged it.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3290/2748346814_fca95c544a.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="534" height="375" /></p>
<p><em>Fleetwood Farm, Acorn, Virginia</em></p>
<p>My dad was born in <a href="http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&amp;hl=en&amp;geocode=&amp;q=acorn,+virginia&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;ll=38.019917,-76.648586&amp;spn=0.016194,0.027637&amp;t=h&amp;z=15">Acorn, Virginia</a>, which is a town only in the sense that there is <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jotyco/49261125/">a sign on the side of the road that reads "Acorn."</a> He was born at home, in the house that my grandmother still lives in. He was the second of three children, and he lived at home from his birth in 1950 to the year he married my mother in 1976.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3225/2749291263_7bf2629189.jpg?v=1218382848" alt="" width="531" height="524" /></p>
<p><em>My father, my uncle Andy, my grandfather, and my aunt Lynn on the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minneapolis-Moline">Minneapolis-Moline.</a></em></p>
<p>My grandparents were poor, which is a knowledge I grew up with. My father didn't tell stories about how he walked five miles to school in the snow (he only did it once - he missed the school bus and my grandfather refused to give him a ride). They didn't have indoor plumbing until my father was seven.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3094/2747610279_955a98907b.jpg?v=1218490067" alt="" width="531" height="543" /></p>
<p><em>My great-grandfather, my father, my uncle Andy</em></p>
<p>Instead of complaining about his family's poverty, he described it in the way he did about everything: with a self-deprecating joke. "When I grew up the only toys I had were a spoon and a piece of asbestos."</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3050/2747610259_8447f17eea.jpg?v=1218379074" alt="" width="531" height="720" /></p>
<p>There are very few pictures of my dad as a child because my grandparents could not afford a camera. The majority of the pictures we have of him as a kid are school pictures, or, in the special case below, a photograph of his visit with Santa Claus in Richmond.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3208/2747610267_858544146c.jpg?v=1218379004" alt="" width="532" height="770" /></p>
<p>My father went to the same high school as my mother (which is the same school both my brother and I attended over twenty five years later), but they were not high school sweethearts. They ran in different circles (if that is possible when your high school has about two hundred students). He was in the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_FFA_Organization">FFA</a>, a football player (because, as he told me, "They let everyone who tried out on the team."), and in two bands.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3236/2750083342_fb8c7a411d.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="531" height="478" /> <em></em></p>
<p><em>The Rambling Rebels (larger image and full caption <a href="http://tylercoates.tumblr.com/post/45425135/young-talent-a-go-go-this-newly-organized-band">here</a>)</em></p>
<p>It should be noted that my father could be described as a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_ol'_boy">Good Ol' Boy</a> - he was raised in the South and matured during the '60s. While he missed the major action of the Civil Rights Movement (his was the last graduating class of the segregated public high school in 1970), he was certainly affected by it, as were most of his generation. My mother once admitted to me that people her age in the '60s sported Confederate insignia and repeated the line, "The South will rise again," but, in her words, "We didn't really know what that <em>meant</em>."  At the same time, my father loved the music of the black artists that recorded with Motown and Atlantic. He saw Aretha Franklin and the Jackson Five in concert, and even when I was a kid, I remember the sounds of Otis Redding, Sam and Dave, and Wilson Pickett playing on the car stereo. So, while he <em>was</em> in a band called The Rambling Rebels and pasted the Confederate flag on his drum set, he sang in another band in 1968 called The Soul Creations.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3277/2749257423_16c09ba7da.jpg?v=1218382768" alt="" width="530" height="374" /></p>
<p><em>The Soul Creations - my father is the second from left. I'm sure they sounded a lot like Spoon.</em></p>
<p>My parents went on their first date just after Christmas in 1972; my mother was a freshman in college and home for break. My father, who was four years older but one year ahead of her in school (he had been kept back two grades, she skipped one), was working his first job out of high school digging septic systems.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3221/2749290533_af0f594355.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="526" height="795" /></p>
<p>My parents always seemed like completely opposite people to me. My father grew up poor, my mother upper-middle-class. My paternal grandparents were uneducated farmers; my mother's father was a lawyer who graduated from the law school at the <a href="http://www.wm.edu/">College of William and Mary</a> (he was a member of a group students who saved the law school from closure - the state originally wanted to have one supported law school at UVA), her mother a retired schoolteacher and housewife. Both of my maternal grandparents could trace their lineage to the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Families_of_Virginia">First Families of Virginia</a>. My mother, of course, was a debutante.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3121/2747714897_d265028aab.jpg?v=1218378775" alt="" width="527" height="722" /></p>
<p>After four years of dating, my parents married in June 1976 and settled in the area where they - and their parents - grew up.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3072/2749931374_5ecef581cd.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="528" height="736" /></p>
<p>When speaking of the day he married my mother, my father always said it was the second happiest day of his life, the first being the day his father sold the pigs. His third happiest day was the day my (younger) brother was born in 1989; the fourth being my birthday in 1983.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3064/2748431134_905b430d1e.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="527" height="377" /></p>
<p>I have to find some truth in the idea that your life flashes before your eyes before you die. After all, your life flashes before your eyes <em>all of the time</em>: memories come in and out of your head in a fluid motion.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3167/2748431124_36809d2a7b.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="527" height="377" /></p>
<p>Like dreams, they don't often follow a logical pattern, nor do they always represent what actually happened in the past. When I think of my childhood, things are hazy in the sense that I'm not entirely certain I'm remembering what actually happened to me, or if I've just seen those things in pictures for over twenty years.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/61/180247638_f317965a59.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="528" height="354" /></p>
<p>I have the same feeling when I remember my father, who died in May of this year from pancreatic cancer. I look at pictures of him and think, "Yes, that is what he looked like." But away from photo albums, I don't see him at 38, when I was five years old. I can look at a picture of him in high school, or in 1978 and think, "That is my father, and that is how I knew him."</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3059/2747510155_591c173d46.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="528" height="371" /></p>
<p>But during the day, away from the scanned images of those old photos, the picture in my head is from three months ago: my father is 57, and he is laying in a hospital bed in my parents' room. For the first time in his life he does not look young for his age; he is old, tired, and his wrinkled skin is loose on his face because he hasn't eaten in two weeks.  There are, luckily, no pictures of my father from the last two months of his life.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/128/418416678_650437ac95.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="527" height="395" /> <em></em></p>
<p><em>My father and me, Christmas 2006</em></p>
<p>My father was diagnosed with cancer in February 2007. With most cases of pancreatic cancer, the diagnosis comes months, even weeks, before the patient dies. My father, on the other hand, was extremely lucky; his cancer was still in early stages, and his doctor was very confident that with a combination of chemotherapy and radiation, my father's life could be extended immensely compared to other patients. He did, however, specify to my parents that the number of patients who lived for five years without the cancer returning was very low. My father, forever the optimist, replied, "So, we <em>do</em> have a chance!"</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3190/2747362879_20ea5fbac1.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="531" height="397" /> <em></em></p>
<p><em>August 2007</em></p>
<p>My father had an amazing personality. I can't count the number of people who told me that he had never met a stranger, simply because he somehow managed to get along with nearly anyone. I credit his small-town upbringing; at the same time, he grew up with a notoriously unaffectionate father, which made my father completely opposite. My father would demand a hug and a kiss from my brother and me when we were fifteen, in <em>public</em> no less.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3001/2747362923_1bf9861d1c.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="527" height="394" /> <em></em></p>
<p><em>November 2007</em></p>
<p>My father responded well to his chemo and radiation therapy, and by the end of November 2007 he was in remission. At the same time, however, he tried to hide that he knew that his days were numbered. In August, as we crossed the bridge from the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outer_Banks">Outer Banks of North Carolina</a> (where my parents have vacationed every year since the early years of their marriage) to the mainland, he cried and told my mother that it was the last time he'd be there.  After Christmas he unsuccessfully attempted to conceal his illness from my mother, which is difficult when you're trying to hide feelings from a person you've known and spent nearly every day with for thirty-five years.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3038/2747401051_1dd9662442.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="530" height="397" /></p>
<p>Dad went through a second round of radiation and chemo, which left him withered and tired. By the time he went into hospice care in May of this year, he had lost about 90 pounds. I flew home from Chicago for what was originally supposed to be a weekend visit, but I spent three weeks at home. I came home in time for his last few days of being aware of his surroundings, floating in and out of a morphine-induced haze.  He held on for a week and a half, which my family spent holding a vigil of sorts. There'd be hours were we sat around the rented hospital bed, crying and holding his hand, hoping for a quick release from the pain that my father's illness was causing all of us to experience. Other times, we'd be down the hall in the living room, slamming down multiple glasses of red wine, which, like the casseroles and flowers delivered by the neighbors, were brought into the house in bulk shipments.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-float-left ssNonEditable"><span><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3280/2748550978_4c4bbec5cf.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="254" height="369" /></span></span>We prepared for my father to die, but in a way that surprisingly felt like a party rather than a somber occasion. We told stories about him and shared the memories we had. My mother and my father's sister argued over events that took place in those stories, I listened to the familiar tales that had changed and evolved over the years.  It sounds like a cliche, of course, but it's true to my father's sensibility. He was a storyteller, a joker. He always had some elaborate tale to tell, and he never told the same thing twice - which, of course, was unintentional. He was plagued with a bad memory, and he couldn't help but tell the same story over and over, but it changed each time. Fittingly, the preacher who delivered his eulogy somehow managed to mix up the stories that my mother and I provided as research. He placed me and my brother into a story of a trip to Washington, DC in the late '70s, for example.</p>
<p>Growing up, I knew a lot of kids whose parents were divorced - so many, in fact, that I felt left out that mine were still together. I only knew one girl who had a parent die when she was a young age. I felt both normal (in the sense that losing a parent as a child was something that only happened in movies) and out of place (because I only had two parents, not four). Growing up, I realized that my parents had a nearly perfect marriage, despite their opposite upbringings and childhoods. I can't imagine what it is like to be married to someone for almost 32 years (and being with that person for almost 36) and suddenly lose them.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3157/2747362911_87387e9225.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="529" height="395" /></p>
<p>My father left a lot behind when he died. For my brother and me, there is the enormous cache of stories and memories, both from our lifetimes and previous. I have pictures of him - a few from his childhood, even more from my parents' life together before I was born, and a ton since then.  My mother, on the other hand, has two sons who look a lot like their father. She has the house they built together when they married. And she has my father's final gift, which is the last metal Coca-Cola sign he built and painted for the owners of Driftwood, which was my parents' favorite restaurant.</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3009/2629592735_c30f7c9994.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="531" height="399" /></p>
<p>My father's name, which he printed on his final sign, is just above the entrance to the restaurant. He told the owner that he did it for my mother, so that whenever she went there for dinner, she'd know he'd always be there with her.&nbsp;</p>
<p><em>Tyler Coates is the senior contributor to This Recording. He is a writer living in Chicago. He tumbls <a href="http://tylercoates.tumblr.com">here</a> and twitters <a href="http://twitter.com/tylercoates">here</a>.</em></p>
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<p><em></em> <img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3258/2747724781_5e4daef535.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="528" height="776" /></p>
<p>"This Is My House, This Is My Home (alternate version)" - We Were Promised Jetpacks (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/?nuylczwmzgj">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"The Walls Are Wearing Thin" - We Were Promised Jetpacks (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/4gjqhlmn0un/03 The Walls Are Wearing Thin.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"With the Benefit of Hindsight" - We Were Promised Jetpacks (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/jygjjydzzt5/04 With The Benefit Of Hindsight.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3030/2747450249_25074b5b99.jpg?v=0" alt="" width="526" height="349" /></p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>In Which It's Good To See You Girls Getting Along</title><category term="FILM"/><category term="denise richards"/><category term="elizabeth gumport"/><category term="wild things"/><id>http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/8/in-which-its-good-to-see-you-girls-getting-along.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/8/in-which-its-good-to-see-you-girls-getting-along.html"/><author><name>Alex</name></author><published>2010-03-08T16:47:35Z</published><updated>2010-03-08T16:47:35Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/02265844459290769992.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267824413099" alt="" width="529" height="368" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 250%;">Call of the Wild</span><span style="font-size: 150%;"><br /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">by ELIZABETH GUMPORT</span></p>
<p>In the mid-19th century, the federal government turned the Everglades over to Florida on the condition that the wetlands would be drained. Sugar cane fields and rice paddies replaced swamp. Frequent floods threatened the crops, so in the 1940s, the Central and Southern Florida Flood Control Project built canals and levees that made possible further agricultural and urban development. Water from the Everglades was diverted to the cities of South Florida, which grew rapidly during the postwar period.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i46.tinypic.com/30llbab.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267825931120" alt="" width="529" height="227" /></span></span></p>
<p>In the late 1890s, fewer than 1,000 people lived in Dade County; in 1960, over a million; in 2008, over 2 million.     This figure includes residents of Coconut Grove, a wealthy Miami neighborhood and home to the Ransom Everglades School. The school has its origins in the all-boys boarding academy established in 1903 by Paul C. Ransom, who stated that his students were those who &ldquo;believe they are put in the world not so much for what they can get out of it as for what they can put into it.&rdquo; In the 1970s, the Ransom School merged with the Everglades School for Girls. The school has a sailing team, and offers courses in motor boating, canoeing, and boat building. Tuition is currently over $20,000 a year. <em>Wild Things</em> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wild_Things">was filmed on its high school campus</a>, which sits on the shore of Biscayne Bay.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i45.tinypic.com/2n0tu2s.png?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1268065331681" alt="" width="529" height="377" /></span></span></p>
<p>The premise of the John McNaughton&rsquo;s <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wild_Things">movie</a> is this: good-looking things are good to look at. <em>Wild Things</em> begins in a theater: Blue Bay High School&rsquo;s auditorium, where Kelly Van Ryan (Denise Richards in a stomach-baring baby tee; later, during a key seduction sequence, she wears jellies) looks with hunger at the man at the podium.</p>
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<p>This is Sam Lombardo, the school&rsquo;s beloved guidance counselor, a role that required Matt Dillon to wear his hair teased, gelled, and parted down the middle.      Also on stage are two Blue Bay police officers (Kevin Bacon and <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0748189/">Mimi from <em>Rent</em></a>), whom Dillon has invited to speak to the students about &ldquo;sex crimes.&rdquo; Behind them is a mural: blue sky, tangled vegetation. It is the kind of painting you used to see in museum dioramas, the backdrop to a scene of animal savagery: lion on gazelle, dinosaur on smaller dinosaur, wild creatures displayed for the edification of civilized ones. This is the working class, blue collar on show for blue blood, man on display for woman. &ldquo;You&rsquo;re a hired hand,&rdquo; Kelly&rsquo;s mom (Theresa Russell) snaps at Matt Dillon, after she fails to tempt him back into her bed.</p>
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<p>In <em>Wild Things</em>, everything that could be a penis metaphor is. When Blue Bay&rsquo;s principal brags about catching a barracuda, Dillon tells him the fish is poisonous. &ldquo;It&rsquo;ll kill you,&rdquo; he says. &ldquo;I could say that about most of the girls you date,&rdquo; the principal responds. After both Denise Richards and her mom &ndash; wearing leopard-print lingerie &ndash; flirt with Dillon the movie cuts to a shot of an alligator speeding through the waters of the Everglades.</p>
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<p>Female sexuality is as deadly as a swamp, the vagina an amorphous abyss that absorbs corpses without a trace. McNaughton aligns the landscape of Florida, in all its tropical excess, with the female body: theirs is beauty that burgeons into violence. Men who fuck around with it run the risk of getting fucked.</p>
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<p>Eaten away by the Everglades, Florida is a drowned state, the end of America, and thus the ideal setting for a story about the end of American manhood. This is the tip of the country; this is a peninsula that pokes feebly at the ocean, which feels nothing.</p>
<p>The original script had Matt Dillon and Kevin Bacon making out in the shower. In an interview, Dillon expressed relief that the scene was cut, despite Bacon&rsquo;s enthusiasm. &ldquo;Kevin&rsquo;s a married man,&rdquo; he said. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m wondering, why he was so eager to do the gay scene?&rdquo;</p>
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<p>Women are not just predators but predators who camouflage themselves as prey. They claim power by feigning powerlessness. When Denise Richards accuses Dillon of rape, the DA believes her immediately. Only Mimi has doubts: &ldquo;she&rsquo;s acting,&rdquo; she says, studying the girl&rsquo;s statement on tape. It emerges that Mimi is right &ndash; the whole thing is a scheme to get Sandra Van Ryan&rsquo;s money &ndash; but the best actress of all turns out to be Suzie (Neve Campbell), who is ostensibly even more disenfranchised than Denise Richards. Denise, at least, has money; Neve has none.</p>
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<p><em>I wouldn&rsquo;t have guessed Suzie was a sailor</em>, Mimi says at the end of the movie, as she watches Suzie&rsquo;s dad hook his daughter&rsquo;s battered boat up to a shiny new car. Neither did anyone else, which is why they are all dead.</p>
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<p><em>Men are from one side of the police department, girls are from the other! </em></p>
<p>Neve Campbell triumphs because that is what happened in the 90s and because she alone recognizes how seductive the surface of things is, how powerful a hold it has over even the most ruthless con man. People want the world to be what it looks like, and so from what they see they extrapolate what they want. A tooth becomes a dead body, the profession of loyalty genuine loyalty.</p>
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<p>Everyone in <em>Wild Things </em>thinks they are tricking everyone else: even though I am not what I appear to be, you are; I have true depth, while you are as shallow as a swimming pool. This is the prevailing belief, the philosophy that determines strategy, despite its obvious flaws. If you are going to play the fool, you better assume all the other fools are playing, too. Success depends not just on the clarity of your gaze but the consistency with which you hold it.</p>
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<p>In life, such thoroughness is rewarded; in art, thoroughness is the reward, the source of the audience&rsquo;s pleasure. This is what it means to have an aesthetic, to have style, and from its opening credits &ndash; the font, a slightly italicized sans serif, resembles spray paint, or the porous white concrete so prevalent in South Florida - to the end <em>Wild Things</em> has it. It is a masterful example of maintained perspective, a totally realized world. Every lush tree, tangled with vines, every part of Denise Richards&rsquo;s body, every swimming pool and sailboat: all serve to convince us the characters are right. Good-looking things are so good to look at.</p>
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<p><a href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/2/26/in-which-im-a-writer-i-use-people-for-what-i-write.html">Like <em>Basic Instinct</em></a>, Wild Things is a story about and by men who feel like victims, but McNaughton&rsquo;s film is better-humored and less of a revenge fantasy than Verhoeven&rsquo;s. This is the difference between the early 90s and the late 90s, when whatever threat feminism posed seemed to have been neutralized &ndash; &ldquo;be comfortable with your sexuality&rdquo; having become synonymous with &ldquo;maybe have a threesome&rdquo; &ndash; and the recession was over.</p>
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<p><em>Wild Things</em> was released in 1998, the height of the dot-com boom. Pets.com, Kozmo.com, and Flooz.com were launched the same year. A few years earlier, the value of all crops in the Everglades Agricultural Area was given at $750 million. Only 50 percent of the original wetlands remain.</p>
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<p>Greed, not lust, is the governing sin of the fin-de-siecle Florida. &ldquo;You think any of these women are going to marry you?&rdquo; Sandra Van Ryan asks Matt Dillon early in the movie. Later, in the golden light of late afternoon, we see him checking out a woman in front of the Sun Trust Bank. For literally everyone &ndash; by the end, only about two characters aren&rsquo;t involved in the scam to steal Sandra Van Ryan&rsquo;s money &ndash; the money is the motive.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i49.tinypic.com/2191a9j.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267826067197" alt="" width="531" height="231" /></span></span> <em><br />Playa more like PLAYER!!!!</em></p>
<p>The swamp is for the poor, the sea for the rich. Only the wealthy can afford to see the places in America worth seeing. Even after the market for real estate in South Florida crashed, the average price of a home in Coconut Grove was $800,000. If you want beauty, you better be ready to pay.</p>
<p><em>Elizabeth Gumport is the senior contributor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Baltimore. She last wrote in these pages <a href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2009/12/29/in-which-we-do-whatever-we-can-get-away-with.html">about Bruce Davidson</a>.<br /></em></p>
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<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/df69hx6n_103cqc5szdr_b.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267823819891" alt="" /></span></p>
<p>"Chicago Train" - The Besnard Lakes (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/?3yym25zjmym">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"Glass Painter" - The Besnard Lakes (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/jmztnnbnhqj/05%20Glass%20Printer.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"Albatross" - The Besnard Lakes (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/gl5gzvgdej1/04%20Albatross.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/matt-dillon8.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267825806901" alt="" /></span></span></p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>In Which It Only Happens Once Every Two Years</title><category term="ART"/><category term="amanda mccleod"/><category term="whitney biennial"/><id>http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/7/in-which-it-only-happens-once-every-two-years.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/7/in-which-it-only-happens-once-every-two-years.html"/><author><name>Alex</name></author><published>2010-03-07T13:44:56Z</published><updated>2010-03-07T13:44:56Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i47.tinypic.com/oej9z.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267968906669" alt="" width="525" height="318" /></span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 250%;">National Treasure</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">by AMANDA MCCLEOD</span></p>
<p>Although <a href="http://www.whitney.org/Exhibitions/Current">this will be the 75th Biennial</a> put on by the Whitney Museum of American Art, I hardly know any person who is fond of the museum&rsquo;s contemporary cross-section. If they are fond, they are fond only because it is an excellent platform for casting judgment against the new and seemingly vulnerable works that will be showcased. There seems to be something of a bitter taste for this particular art event indeed, but I have begun to wonder if this is just our own distaste for the present, or our distaste for the lack of cohesion in contemporary art.</p>
<p>These artists are not in any sort of historical canon (from which we could draw comfort or assurance of their work&rsquo;s value), but in fact are flux both in their individual careers and in their literal placement in the museum. They are defined only by a curatorial duo, <a href="http://nymag.com/news/intelligencer/encounter/63787/">Francesco Bonami and Gary Carrion-Murayari</a>, and the space in which they are given to show their work. There is no underlying theme to this show except this: "let us take a strata sample of the American art scene over the last two years and present to you what we've sifted and gleaned from the present culture."</p>
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<p>"What am I getting myself into?" I wondered as I approached the Whitney&rsquo;s inverted facade. Having read a mixture of reviews of the show, some scathing and some packed with praise, I felt nervous. This was my first Biennial. Usually the shows I frequent center on a certain theme, context, time period, or artist. Here, though, I would only be seeing the &ldquo;now&rdquo; of the art world. Oh boy. I expected to feel lost or dizzied by what I'd soon encounter, but walking around those familiar concrete floors I felt more like an explorer. Like Indiana Jones, but instead of looking for an arc or treasure, I was looking for an unforgettable work - something to zero in on and have an experience.</p>
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<p>I had kept Baudelaire's <a href="http://www.dandyism.net/?page_id=178"><em>The Painter of Modern Life</em></a> in mind as a sort of lens by which to read what would be assembled to represent these last two years. I know that might seem like an irrelevant source, being published in 1863 and all, but I was soon to find out that one of the works shown was making similar use of Baudelaire&rsquo;s modernity. Lorraine O&rsquo;Grady&rsquo;s <em>The First and the Last of the Modernists</em> is a series of diptychs consisting of paired photographs of Michael Jackson and Charles Baudelaire at similar ages and points in their careers. O&rsquo;Grady series of paired portraits aims to guide us through each cultural figure&rsquo;s journey, the height of their innovations in relation to modern culture, and the cost of these things on their personal lives. The champion of modernity was side by side with the king of pop and the feeling this gave me was quite an unsettling one.</p>
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<p>This feeling continued, as near by one is confronted by Cadillac Miller-Meteor hearse playing a film through it's front windshield. A crowd of people faced the hearse and took in the calm narration, a scene that <a href="http://www.thebrucehighqualityfoundation.com/Site/home.html">the Bruce High Quality Foundatio</a>n (responsible for this installation) would have no doubt chuckled over. The installation, partially inspired by Joseph Beuy&rsquo;s performance <em>I Like America, and America Likes Me</em> (1973), aims to both revive and lay to rest much of American (art) culture and myth.</p>
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<p>Moving along I soon encounter Marianne Vitale&rsquo;s <em>Patron</em>, <a href="http://www.whitney.org/Exhibitions/2010Biennial/MarianneVitale">a video installation</a> that preaches the future of "Neutralism." Assertive, authoritarian, and surreal, this work permeates the exhibition and partially addresses my unease at formulating any sort of coherent opinion on just what exactly I am experiencing there in the museum. Vitale stares into the camera shouting orders and commands, effectively forcing us into her neutralist mentality. I find the experience of being berated by Vitale similar to certain passages of Lewis Carroll&rsquo;s <em>Alice in Wonderland</em>, there's an unrelenting madness that jars your place in the present reality. Adjacent to Vitale&rsquo;s video one is confronted further with the surreal in Storm Tharp&rsquo;s inky portraits.</p>
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<p>These visions are created through a process of contour drawing on paper using water, followed by the application of mineral ink to create intense gradients of light and color. After further manipulation through erasure or drawing, the resulting portraits are incredibly saturated investigations of human identity and personal narrative.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-float-left ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i49.tinypic.com/noavip.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267899758574" alt="" /></span> Throughout the show I became increasingly aware of a trend towards new mediums and processes, including a revival of classical mediums, as is the case with Jim Lutes&rsquo; egg temperas. Though his paintings begin as portraits Lutes feels that to paint a likeness is to &ldquo;paint in opposition to the form, which is both the failure and pleasure of painting.&rdquo; His works are luminous and filled with depth, allowing the viewer to search throughout the fluid layers of colorful paint.  Another traditional medium I was pleasantly surprised to see was Pae White&rsquo;s incredibly intricate tapestry. From a distance we can see the swirling plumes of smoke as a whole, but up close a whole other feeling of depth and texture overwhelms. Gorgeous pale purple, aqua, and deep blue cotton fibers were woven together to create this ethereal fixed vision of a ephemeral phenomenon.</p>
<p>Another work of considerable patience and detail is Scott Short&rsquo;s large scale black and white abstract painting. What at first seems like a series of random marks, resembling a giant flock of birds perhaps or tv static, is later revealed to be a painstaking recreation of a (get this) copy of a copy of a copy of a piece of paper. To prepare for his canvases, the artist makes photocopies of a pieces of construction paper, and then makes photocopies of the photocopies, repeating the process until he reaches his desired abstraction.</p>
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<p>The resulting abstraction converted into a slide which is used to project the image onto the canvas, which Short then recreates by hand with acrylic paint. This investigation of texture, fiber, office supply abstraction, and raw materials absolutely delights me, as does standing in front of Short&rsquo;s sublime depiction.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.whitney.org/Exhibitions/2010Biennial/TaubaAuerbach">Tauba Auerbach</a> is another artist included in the Biennial who enjoys investigating the very nature of her mode and materials. Her paintings are created through manipulating raw canvas physically (through rolling, folding, ect.), flattening it out, and finally spraying the manipulated canvas with an industrial strength paint gun. Auerbach effectively captures the three dimensional aspects of the canvas while the paintings themselves remain flat, creating a playful tromp l&rsquo;oeil statement on the very limitations of painting itself.   I was pleased and reassured to see how much painting the show contained, with artists showing everything from the mythological to the minimal on canvas.</p>
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<p>There was also a notable amount of installation and sculpture, in particular a domineering work entitled <em>Baby</em> by Thomas Houseago. The work is imposing with its vacant eyes and somehow yet <a href="http://culture.wnyc.org/blogs/whitney-biennial-2010/2010/feb/24/whitney-highlights-thomas-houseago/">fragile and disrupted</a>. Partially plaster, part wood, part wire, part animal, part human, half crawling, half walking, silent but foreboding, Baby put me in my place effectively. The straddling of sculpture and drawing, fragility and weight, monumentality and spontaneity by Houseago, I felt, was extremely successful. Another installation by David Adamo suggested a sort of movement or presence, as though a certain violence had passed and we the viewer were left in the quiet aftermath. Scissors and axes imbedded into museum walls, canes whittled away to almost nothing, Adamo&rsquo;s installation investigates the suggestive nature of objects in relation to performance.</p>
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<p>Video artist <a href="http://kategilmore.com/">Kate Gilmore</a> also confronts us with themes of action and destruction, as she plays the sole protagonist in her performative video installation. Gilmore&rsquo;s struggle is one that is self made, and her performances revolve around overcoming these created obstacles. Gilmore&rsquo;s performance consists of the artist herself escaping from a self constructed sheetrock structure that encases her. As she kicks and tears her way out of the claustrophobic space, we notice that the resulting structure (tears and all) is adjacent to the projected video. That one can physically stand next to this pillar of sheet rock further facilitates the fantasy about being in the same predicament as the artist, one which is equally <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2010/03/why-arent-artists-angry-anymore/36965/">about terror and conquest</a>.</p>
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<p>Video art is a genre that I find to be equally appealing and challenging. Our modern attention spans seem equipped to digest anything in video format, and at the same time when narrative is lacking one has a tendency to drift off or make the assumption that what is being shown is nonsense. Packed with video installations, the Whitney Biennial did not disappoint in either department. There were those installations that I loved, such as Josephine Meckseper&rsquo;s <a href="http://www.whitney.org/Exhibitions/2010Biennial/JosephineMeckseper">eerie video homage to the Mall of America</a>, and those that left me unsettled entirely, as was the case with Kelly Nipper&rsquo;s interpretive dance piece. Kerry Tribe <a href="http://www.whitney.org/Exhibitions/2010Biennial/KerryTribe">simulates amnesia</a> by utilizing two projects to play one film documentary on a medical patient who, in the 1950s, underwent an experimental brain surgery to cure his epilepsy, and as a result can remember nothing after the surgery. The use of two projectors and one film reel creates a 20 second delay, in which the film repeats itself over itself continually, disrupting a linear sense of time and narrative.</p>
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<p>Of course, there were a handful of works which centered around politics and war. Stephanie Sinclair&rsquo;s photography in particular stood out to me, most notably because the attention she garnered through depiction of female Afghani self inflicted burn patients actually helped the women themselves. Because of her images and the awareness they generated a new special burn unit was built in Herat, where the women she photographed lived.</p>
<p>This was in contrast to Nina Berman&rsquo;s <a href="http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2010/02/the-whitney-2010-ambienalle.html">series of photographs</a> of veteran Ty Ziegel, who underwent fifty reconstructive surgeries after being severely disfigured during a suicide bomber attack while stationed in Iraq. Although this directly brings into the light the horror of war itself, there is another horror present in the continual objectification of this particular marine veteran. Although Ziegel allowed the photographs to be made, often at ease and with no real direction from the artist, there seems to be something off. Ziegel himself does not seem to blame his military or country, and as I leave the series of photographs I find myself only blaming the artist for what feels like a sort of shameless objectification of one man&rsquo;s suffering. I could be missing it, but Ziegel has his life at least, as compared to the thousands of others who no longer do.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i46.tinypic.com/fvafc0.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267899320503" alt="" width="528" height="339" /></span></p>
<p>All in all the Biennial felt balanced and enjoyable; I was never overwhelmed but never feeling underwhelmed either. The show itself was rather egalitarian, consisting of half female and half male artists. Compared to the relatively male-dominated Collecting Biennials show <a href="http://www.whitney.org/Exhibitions/CollectingBiennials">that accompanied the selection of contemporary works</a>, this was refreshing. With works on paper, collage, canvas, sculpture, photography, installation, fibers, video, and even conceptual pieces, the show was thoroughly engaging and provided insight to how each medium is being utilized at present. I sincerely enjoyed the experience of passing through this survey of the contemporary, of <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/03/03/AR2010030301975.html">encountering new things</a> and investigating them. I think that&rsquo;s something of the point though, to go and explore. To see something new, to have an experience or get lost, to open up a dialogue between yourself and what is new.</p>
<p><em>Amanda McCleod is the senior contributor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Brooklyn. She tumbls <a href="http://buongiorno.tumblr.com">here</a>. She last wrote in these pages <a href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/1/28/in-which-we-explore-the-forms-of-cy-twombly.html">about Cy Twombly's sculptures</a>.<br /></em></p>
<p><em><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i46.tinypic.com/68gd36.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267969322337" alt="" width="529" height="403" /></span></span></em></p>
<p>"This Could Be Anywhere In The World" - Alexisonfire (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/ydymmtzh2ym/05%20This%20Could%20Be%20Anywhere%20In%20The%20World%20%5BLive%20@%20Soundwave%5D.mp3 ">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"I'm Stranded (acoustic)" - Alexisonfire (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/lvixzzntgzg/02%20I%27m%20Stranded%20%28Acoustic%29%20%5BTriple%20J%20Radio%5D.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"Young Cardinals (live @ Soundwave)" - Alexisonfire <a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/g1nym4m03dg/04%20Young%20Cardinals%20%5BLive%20@%20Soundwave%5D.mp3">(mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"Old Crows (live @ Soundwave)" - Alexisonfire (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/u2rzekdyk3m/03%20Old%20Crows%20%5BLive%20@%20Soundwave%5D.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i45.tinypic.com/2z8alxv.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267899630491" alt="" width="530" height="329" /></span></p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>In Which We Die Alone Apart From The Cats</title><category term="SEX"/><category term="dating"/><category term="lindsay weir"/><category term="teghan beaudette"/><id>http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/5/in-which-we-die-alone-apart-from-the-cats.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://thisrecording.com/today/2010/3/5/in-which-we-die-alone-apart-from-the-cats.html"/><author><name>Alex</name></author><published>2010-03-05T15:23:59Z</published><updated>2010-03-05T15:23:59Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i48.tinypic.com/2hyvseb.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267758264370" alt="" width="529" height="424" /></span></span></p>
<p><em>&nbsp;</em><span style="font-size: 250%;">Turn Me Off</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 150%;">by TEGHAN BEAUDETTE</span></p>
<p>I recently made a giant list of turn ons and turn offs in a notebook. You know, in case I forget some. I&rsquo;ve been told I&rsquo;m going to die alone, and I accept this as an entirely real possibility. But modern romance is hard. Being in constant contact via Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, texting and very rarely an actual telephone call makes it hard to not completely get sick of someone or immediately see what glaring social flaw they have that is the reason for them being single.</p>
<p><span>Things I have broken up with/almost broken up with boys over:</span></p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i48.tinypic.com/xbwvtz.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267755671065" alt="" width="530" height="397" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;">Breathing loudly while eating</span></p>
<p>Truth be told, breathing loudly while eating was only one of this guy&rsquo;s many major problems. I overlooked many of them because he was a Brazilian god who worked in my campus restaurant and used to talk about amazing directors when he served me. But when I look back on the couple times that we had sex and the couple more times that we went out on real dates all I can remember is him huffing and puffing while he shovelled sushi into his mouth. Now, heavy breathing while eating sushi is sometimes very rarely but sometimes understandable, because, when I&rsquo;m mowing down on an inside out California roll, I also have a bit of trouble chewing the whole thing and swallowing in one bite. Sometimes I feel like I&rsquo;m suffocating. So going for sushi on a first date isn&rsquo;t ideal. I gave him a pass.</p>
<p>Another time that is perhaps more telling was when we ordered pizza and he was sitting there, across the table from me in his parents&rsquo; basement. This was early in my college days and most people I knew lived at home. And living at home is far preferable to living with your ex (which, unless you&rsquo;re a god damn Adonis, is also a deal breaker). So I didn&rsquo;t judge him super harshly for living at home. I judged him for what happened after we opened that pizza box.</p>
<p>I took two bites of my pep and cheese when I distinctly heard wheezing. I checked again to see if he was running a marathon in circuits around the couch and the 1970s TV. He wasn&rsquo;t. He was just eating pizza and wheezing. Needless to say, I put my half slice down, walked up the stairs and never came back. I couldn&rsquo;t even bring myself to break up with this guy in person after a couple months of dating.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/freaks31.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267756071735" alt="" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;">Bringing me to a party and ignoring me for a few hours</span></p>
<p>I met this hottie at a bar. Let&rsquo;s call him Rick, because that was his real name. We went to the same college and we shared a penchant for witty banter and dive bars. He had a perfect face and perfect hipster hair cut, a range of incredible tattoos and a body that could only be described as delicious. The best part was you couldn&rsquo;t even tell he had an incredible bod because it was always hidden under his amazing sweaters and t-shirts. He was like my own private playland. He even brought me up to a friend&rsquo;s cabin at the lake after knowing me for about a month and asked me to be his girlfriend on a long walk. Sometimes hipsters breaking down a wall is just too precious for words. How did it end in disaster?</p>
<p>We went to a party and he spent the entire evening chatting up his far less attractive than me friend of his. I get this, and I&rsquo;m a secure girl. But there&rsquo;s a limit. There&rsquo;s a couple hour limit. Once you&rsquo;ve reached that limit, I throw back shots with some locals and walk up to the guy with the DSLR camera on his shoulder who&rsquo;s looking all sorts of mysterious with his incredible glasses and crooked hair cut and I ask him if he wants to leave the bar and go skateboarding at 1AM. This will work. It always does.</p>
<p>The next morning I will return to our cabin, pick up my things, you will apologize profusely to me and even cry! Yes. It happened. All of it.</p>
<p>And you know that guy that I ended up leaving with? We dated for two and a half years after that night. Based on how easily I come to despise the men I find myself on dates with, it&rsquo;s good to know my drunk rebound game is on point.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://i50.tinypic.com/9rne34.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267756967182" alt="" width="530" height="354" /></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;">Telling me many women thought he was gay</span></p>
<p>Self-explanatory.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;">Being bad at sex and/or a subpar kisser</span></p>
<p>Subpar kissing is grounds for immediate dismissal. Subpar sex can sometimes be disguised as awkward sexual chemistry at first, and I have been guilty of keeping men around for way too long that are just bad at it. I will never do this to myself again. I would rather die alone.</p>
<p><em><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i46.tinypic.com/muig6g.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267758316522" alt="" width="529" height="370" /></span></span></em></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;">Embarrassing myself in front of them</span></p>
<p>This is one thing that the men in my life cannot control. I occasionally break up with men because I&rsquo;ve embarrassed myself so badly in front of them I can&rsquo;t imagine ever showing my face to them again. This dealbreaker is reserved for guys that haven't already fucked it up in some other way; they are otherwise known as perfect for me.</p>
<p>Ethan (which is not his real name, because frankly, if you&rsquo;re dating me, you want your identity protected) was exactly that kind of guy. He could wax poetic about Sartre and actually knew which <a href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704548604575098131101212908.html?mod=WSJ_hpp_sections_realestate">Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles</a> plotline went with which sequel. He gave me a moleskin notebook on our second date and also thought we should wait to have sex. I ate that shit up.</p>
<p>All this to say, within about three weeks I was all sorts of hot for an incredibly handsome Irish bartender who (and this is perfect) was also a substitute teacher. There was not a single thing I noticed about this guy that I didn&rsquo;t absolutely love. One night, after a few hours of dancing and drinking at the pub he worked at, I got way too drunk. My girls bounced to a club, and I bounced with them. Except when we got to the place it was all electrosynth club music so naturally I strolled right out of there and headed back to my usual haunt.</p>
<p>Trying to go back into the bar I was originally at to meet up with my ride home proved disastrous. I guess I couldn&rsquo;t communicate my desire to come in clearly enough, because they actually had to go get my guy from the bar to tell me to basically get lost.</p>
<p>No matter how perfect your guy is, no matter how brilliantly handsome, witty, quirky and apparently inexplicably hot for you he is&mdash;if he works at your favorite bar, just don&rsquo;t do it! You will end up drunk, outside the bar, telling him you never want to see him again because this situation is just too embarrassing for you. And you will have a third degree shameover the next morning.</p>
<p>Oh and in case you&rsquo;re worried this story ends up with me in a gutter, they actually eventually let me in. I found my ride, made my way to another bar with my crew, partied for a few more hours and held it together. But the damage with my famous bartender was done. He now has all of the hand in our relationship because he actually took me back.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i49.tinypic.com/2i8vwwk.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267758997164" alt="" width="530" height="344" /></span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;">Telling me to put something down in a louder-than-normal voice</span></p>
<p>If you&rsquo;re yelling at me over putting down a bag of fast food on your coffee table because you haven&rsquo;t eaten in t-minus 2 hours, you can safely assume you will not be taking off this incredibly cute summer dress that I&rsquo;m wearing.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;">Being a Republican and/or conservative</span></p>
<p>I don&rsquo;t like to take sides, but if you don&rsquo;t believe in universal health care I just cannot bring myself to sleep with you.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 120%;">Texting me &ldquo;hey&rdquo; and/or &ldquo;hey what&rsquo;s up&rdquo;</span></p>
<p>You can do better than this. And if you can&rsquo;t, there isn&rsquo;t a girl in the world who wants to know you. It should be noted that texting &ldquo;What are you doing right now?&rdquo; or &ldquo;How is your day going so far, holmes?&rdquo; is perfectly acceptable.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img style="width: 530px;" src="http://thisrecording.com/storage/146599_1235105376291_480_300.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267757921317" alt="" /></span></span></p>
<p>Things I <em>would</em> break up with boys over:</p>
<ul>
<li>A bad smell. Any bad smell.</li>
<li>Sucking at grammar, colloquialisms or idioms.</li>
<li>Wearing socks during sex.</li>
<li>Bad shoes. Short pants. Either or.</li>
<li>Using a Bluetooth headset.</li>
<li>Acting weird about things that aren&rsquo;t weird and other versions of trying to be cool.</li>
<li>Trying to be &ldquo;wacky&rdquo;</li>
<li>Having bad facial hair.</li>
<li>Saying monogamy is boring and other obvious statements that make me think you might have an STI.</li>
<li>Telling me you don&rsquo;t like my haircut. For reals. I will cut a bitch.</li>
<li>Trying weird sexual stuff without ASKING first.</li>
<li>Judging me for indulging in pop culture (this includes top 40, house music, blockbuster movies, vampire tv shows, reality tv, perezhilton.com and anything else I didn&rsquo;t mention but is occasionally awesome).</li>
<li>Asking to have a threesome. Do you know what I hear when you ask this? &ldquo;I would like to fuck another girl, have you watch and you be okay with it. Can we arrange that?&rdquo;</li>
<li>Owning a cat. That is ONLY yours and that you bought yourself.</li>
<li>Spooning me like a girl. I mean fuck, if our toes are touching, you&rsquo;re doing it wrong.</li>
<li>Buying me useless things.</li>
<li>Being too old for me and trying to compensate by acting younger. Being too old for me on its own is okay though.</li>
<li>Being good friends with a bunch of bitchy girls. You know they are, and I don&rsquo;t even want to get into it.</li>
<li>Not liking to cuddle. What are you, a sociopath?</li>
<li>Baldness. I&rsquo;m really sorry about this one. But I&rsquo;m really not.</li>
<li>Getting mad at me when I can&rsquo;t figure something out. If we&rsquo;re going to be together, you&rsquo;re going to need to exercise your patience bone while I try to figure out how to get out of the fucking corner with my gun pointed towards the ceiling in <em>Call of Duty</em>.</li>
<li>Only caring about sex or not caring about sex at all. This is perhaps more troubling, and makes me very suspicious.</li>
</ul>
<p>I&rsquo;m actually totally okay with living a solitary existence. Can&rsquo;t wait.</p>
<p><em>Teghan Beaudette is a contributor to This Recording. This is her first appearance in these pages. She is a writer living in Ottawa. She blogs <a href="http://teghanbeaudette.com">here</a>.</em></p>
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<p><em><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://i47.tinypic.com/14dhsba.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267758363673" alt="" width="526" height="348" /></span></span></em></p>
<p>"Animal (Peter Bjorn &amp; John remix)" - Miike Snow (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/45jnuztw4zg/Miike%20Snow%20-%20Animal%20%28Peter%20Bjorn%20and%20John%20Remix%29.mp3">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"Let's Call It Off (Girl Talk remix)" - Peter Bjorn &amp; John (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/ulzr4rj1tiz/14%20-%20Let%27s%20Call%20It%20Off%20%28Girl%20Talk%20Remix%29.m4a">mp3</a>)</p>
<p>"Lay It Down" - Peter Bjorn &amp; John (<a href="http://www.mediafire.com/file/ulzr4rj1tiz/14%20-%20Let%27s%20Call%20It%20Off%20%28Girl%20Talk%20Remix%29.m4a">mp3</a>)</p>
<p><em><span class="ssNonEditable full-image-block"><img src="http://i45.tinypic.com/2nqhavl.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1267755148702" alt="" width="530" height="366" /></span></em></p>
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