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Alex Carnevale

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Mia Nguyen

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Ethan Peterson

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is dedicated to the enjoyment of audio and visual stimuli. Please visit our archives where we have uncovered the true importance of nearly everything. Should you want to reach us, e-mail alex dot carnevale at gmail dot com, but don't tell the spam robots. Consider contacting us if you wish to use This Recording in your classroom or club setting. We have given several talks at local Rotarys that we feel went really well.

Pretty used to being with Gwyneth

Regrets that her mother did not smoke

Frank in all directions

Jean Cocteau and Jean Marais

Simply cannot go back to them

Roll your eyes at Samuel Beckett

John Gregory Dunne and Joan Didion

Metaphors with eyes

Life of Mary MacLane

Circle what it is you want

Not really talking about women, just Diane

Felicity's disguise

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Entries in almie rose (26)


In Which Grace Kelly Makes The Rules Around Here

Amazing Grace


I just found out that Grace Kelly was a slut and this has to mean something.

Maybe I should clarify (or not, it’s Manhattan, who gives a fuck): I had heard the old Hollywood rumors that Grace Kelly was not as pristine as her cool Hitchcockian image would have one believe. But Wendy Leigh's 2007 biography True Grace is quite revealing.

Grace Kelly would sleep with a guy on the first date. I find this shocking considering the era. And also considering that in those times, dates were dates. You wouldn’t spend the evening “watching a movie” on some guy’s couch; you’d get dressed up and go dancing at the Stork Club. You’d sit at a table in front of Bobby Darin while he sang about love and later he’d try to grab your ass but that would be OK. These were simpler times. But for all the decadence and politeness people still did it, and sometimes that’s easy to forget, which is why it’s so surprising to hear that Grace Kelly put out on the first date or Peggy on Mad Men asking her date, “Do you have a Trojan?”

with Cary Grant on the set of 'To Catch a Thief'

One of Kelly’s signature moves was to emerge totally naked. I don’t mean at Bergdorf’s or on the street, I mean after she was alone with her date. She would excuse herself into the bathroom and come back naked, or if he went to the bathroom he would come back to find her naked. I can see her doing this but only posing as though she were a store mannequin, one perfectly manicured hand on her hip, the other lifted into the air as if to say, “Why not take a gander at my vagina?”

According to Leigh, the night Kelly won the Academy Award (for The Country Girl) she also won Marlon Brando, taking him back to her place, where their adult plans were interrupted by a scathing phone call from Judy Garland shouting, “This is Judy Garland, Judy Fucking Garland. You bitch! You took what was rightfully mine. [Garland was also nominated for “Best Actress” for her work in A Star Is Born, and favored to win.] Tonight was my last chance for the Oscar. You’ll have many more chances in your future. This was it for me. I’ll never forgive you.” Or in other words, “What don’t you fucking understand? You and me are done professionally.” In this way, Garland was clearly the Christian Bale of her time.

But as it would turn out, Kelly did not have “many more chances”; not long after she married the Prince of Monaco in a move that made her family and contemporaries say, “WTF LOL WHUT.” Prince Rainier was a far cry from Marlon Brando or John F. Kennedy, who Kelly also “dated” (and by dated I mostly mean slept with.) And Kelly’s father literally bought Grace the title, with a dowry of $2,000,000.

Maybe Kelly was sick of falling for married co-stars and wanted a real Prince and not a man like Bing Crosby, who appeared princely on the screen, but in real life broke Kelly’s heart after changing his mind about leaving his wife and beat his children with sweet Valencia oranges. I know, Bing Crosby. What on earth is sexy about Bing Crosby? Grace Kelly had a thing for older men. Unresolved Daddy issues? You bet. Her father often said that his youngest daughter was his favorite and was openly vocal about this and his surprise in that Grace amounted to anything other than a housewife. So Grace Kelly found her solace in old grizzled men like Clark Gable, Gary Cooper, and Jimmy Stewart.

A lot of people think of Gwyneth Paltrow as the modern day Grace Kelly, but the truth is, she's more like Sienna Miller.

She was known for having affairs with all of her costars and didn’t let a marriage stop her, though Jimmy Stewart is apparently the only married co-star she didn’t sleep with, maybe because Stewart’s wife, knowing about Kelly’s reputation, visited the set every day. Kelly would move from man to man holding her steel-cut jaw high, rarely getting heartbroken, with the exception of Gable, who she practically had to beg to sleep with her, because Gable was more interested in Ava Gardner, but didn’t care to cross Sinatra.

Kelly was clingy around Gable and desperate to capture his attention and hold onto it. Hey, we’ve all been there, right? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve romanced an old Hollywood legend only to think, "Does he really like me for me or for the publicity?" You know, that age-old dilemma.

backstage with Audrey Hepburn at the 1956 Academy Awards

My point though is not to shun Kelly for her wanton ways. But rather instead I suggest we step a little further from our romantic notions of old Hollywood and see that era for what it really was. Just because couples didn’t sleep in the same bed in film or television in those times doesn’t mean that they weren’t screwing like mad. Also, that bitch Grace Kelly got everything she ever wanted through family connections, money, and impeccable features. Fuck her and the pristine horse she rode in on.

Almie Rose is the senior contributor to This Recording. She is the creator of Apocalypstick and you can find her work at Hello Giggles here. You can find an archive of her work on This Recording here. She last wrote in these pages about Plan 9 From Outer Space.

"Spoonman" - Soundgarden (mp3)

"Burden In My Hand" - Soundgarden (mp3)

"Hands All Over" - Soundgarden (mp3)


In Which Have We Got A Plan For You

What You Need To Do


Welcome to another edition of what you need to do, where we seek advice in the silver screen. Last time we looked at Jonathan Lynn's Clue. Today, let's look to Ed Wood's Plan 9 From Outer Space for what we need to do.

What you need to do is spy on the entire world. You always want to be in the know, so if this means getting a pair of binoculars, then you need to go for it. You never know what's going to come out of the sky and fuck with your perfectly perfect late-1950s girlfriend. Doesn't matter if you're standing in the middle of nothing; that's the first place they're going to attack!

What you need to do is dress in your finest black boob-enhancing dress and pile on the make up for your graveyard strolls. You never know what hottie you'll run into and it will be mortifying if he sees you without your brows penciled like you're perpetually surprised. The vampire look is in, and by vampire look we mean a well-placed mole and cheekbones that could stab someone right in the heart. You go, girl!

What you need to do is keep a close watch on your surroundings. You never know when an angry Fred Mertz type is going to sneak up on you. Maybe the real lesson here is don't smoke. Or don't leave your girlfriend sleeping in the car when you're in a graveyard. Who can say? We're all living in this crazy martian-invading world and doing the best we can, gosh darn it.

What you need to do is keep your hair perfectly coiffed. People will take you seriously if your hair looks like hardened cake frosting AND if you're wearing a tux. You combine those two and it's like, Oh hello MR. PRESIDENT. Pick up the slack, gentlemen!

What you need to do is have grace if you show up to a party and you're wearing the same outfit as someone else. Sometimes, these things happen. Forever 21 is really popular. It's best to take it with a smile and a laugh and a, "Hey, someone snap a picture of us crazy kids together!" Don't let grace be an accessory you leave at home.

What you need to do is get your beauty rest. Look at how perfectly relaxed and un-posed this young woman is, in her nighttime ballgown with her diary nearby. Ladies, take note: you CAN look pretty while sleeping! Work on it, girls!! Alien invasion is no excuse for bags under your eyes!

What you need to do is cut yourself more slack. Okay, so you signed up to star in a film by a director who's going nowhere and doesn't really know how to direct or even turn on a camera. That's okay, bro! Life is full of surprises. All you need to do is the best you can. Don't facepalm your way through life! Open up that face and shove your palm in your pocket. Don't you worry. The saucers are up there. The graveyard is out there. But I'll be locked up safely in there.

Almie Rose is the senior contributor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Los Angeles. She is the creator of Apocalypstick, and she twitters here. She last wrote in these pages about Clue.

"I Might" - Wilco (mp3)

"I Love My Label" - Wilco (mp3)

"Either Way" - Wilco (mp3)

The new album from Wilco, The Whole Love, will be released in September.


In Which Scotty McCreery Has A Hole In His Head Where All The Money Goes

How To Watch The American Idol Finale Without Really Trying


I think Colin Hanks Jr. is going to win, as he's never been in the bottom three, and let me say, I hate Scotty. He is not just an assclown, he's an ass brigade.

Seacrest is in a tux. LOL okay dude. It cracks me up that they act like the finale of American Idol is the Oscars. It cracks me up that the Oscars acts like it's the Oscars.

Lauren is all dressed and ready to go to the...NOWHERE. I can't think of a single place where that outfit would be encouraged. This show has gotten so bad that commenting on the outfits is more interesting. It's been that way for a while now.

Now everyone sings "Bored This Way" and some of them are wearing things so regrettable they're on par with drunken texts. But Paul is there, so we're fine. But then Casey is there, so we're not. Oh God, I forgot Stefano existed. This is just...this show is always like this, right? The audience is filled with celebs, which makes the whole thing ten times more embarassing than me sitting here wacthing it with a nice Trader Joe's riesling.

James Durbin is singing with Judas Priest and he's shrieking the fuck out of the place. He's probably having the time of his life. Meanwhile Adam Lambert stands outside Lady Gaga's locked gate to her mansion showing the tracks of his tears.

The part of the show comes where they make fun of the judges quirks, and I gotta say, Randy legit cracks me up. He's having fun. He's, to quote himself, "In it to win it!"

Then miraculously, Orson Welles showed up. Oh, my bad, that's Jack Black. Wait, that makes even less sense. But yes, he's there. He and Casey sing fat bottomed girls while skinny girls in short shorts dance behind them. Yes, really.

The ladies in red sing Beyonce and "If I Were A Boy" is painful until Haley busts out her signature growly solo.

This show is like seven hours by the way. You're welcome.

Oh look. Beyonce.

Oh look, Steven Tyler montage. Steven, Mick Jagger called. He laughed hysterically then hung up.

It's amazing how long they draw out this show. Tony Bennett AND TLC perform. Though not together, which is a huge missed opportunity.

Oh look, it's Gaga dancing on the Aggro Crag. I'm just going to skip to the end, the boring white kid with the guitar wins. Again. Except this time he's more country than the last three WGWG. Which is so, so much worse somehow. American Idol indeed.

Almie Rose is the senior contributor to This Recording. She is a writer living in Los Angeles. She is the creator of Apocalypstick.

"Antibiotics" - Digitalism (mp3)

"Blitz" - Digitalism (mp3)

"Forrest Gump" - Digitalism (mp3)

I Love You Dude, the second album from Digitalism, will be released on June 20th. "Forrest Gump" was co-written by Julian Casablancas.